Belonging nowhere
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: [Complete - part 20 up] Sesshomaru had never understood why his father fell for a human, and now, he's beginning to understand... (Note: Rating due to mature situations.)
1. Part 1

There was beautiful, young woman who freely entered a village. Her long ponytail swayed behind her as she walked with her head looking around in awe.  
It had been quite a while since she had come into a village at all because of the extensive traveling she had always been doing. She could never stay anywhere for too long, and nor could she go into many villages.  
From a distant hill over looking thatched roofs and other dwellings, she had wondered what was happening in every town she passed by. Though she was a human herself, she was not considered one since she was far removed from the human territory…  
  
The young woman was like a half ling,   
Belonging nowhere…  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 1 – I just can't tell you.  
  
Rin had always wondered what would have happened if she came back to her village. The mute girl who had suddenly disappeared so many years ago was finally back.  
She looked back at the entrance for a moment and imagined herself as a little child looking up at Sesshomaru…  
  
With eyes that she couldn't read, Sesshomaru had said, "You'll have to go back. You do not belong with me."  
Jaken, who was quite fond of her by then, nodded approvingly and tried to urge her on. "We are sorry to do this."  
Her troubled face looked up to the moonlight as the sleeping village's silence didn't help in her defense. She began to cry as she shook her head.  
Even at that moment, Sesshomaru's attitude was aloof and she wondered if he cared for her at all? After all that they had gone through?  
She was a little girl to him…  
  
Had she always been a burden to him because of what and who she was? It was a question that always bothered her in the back of her mind…  
  
Jaken began to turn around and so he and Sesshomaru began to walk away as Rin became very upset not wanting to part with either of them. She looked at the village that had been rebuilt after the wolves had attacked it. Then, she looked back at Sesshomaru at that moment.  
Rin wanted to run and cry saying that it was too cruel to leave her. That she didn't want to be all alone again.   
That they were now her family, even if this arrangement was strange to everyone else's eyes.  
"I want to go with Sesshomaru-sama…" she mumbled quietly as her tears began to fall faster and faster down her cheeks. She rubbed them away with her palms trying to be as strong as Sesshomaru and Jaken had taught her to be.  
But she couldn't help it.  
"I want to go with Sesshomaru-sama…" Rin mumbled again, with a voice slightly higher than the last time.  
With her hands in fists, as she was going to run back to Sesshomaru, the great Sesshomaru, who would have not turned around even if he was being attacked, turned his head slightly to look back at Rin.  
"I want to be with you," she said as she found herself running towards him.  
At that moment, Jaken was taken aback as Sesshomaru, for the first time, waited for Rin to come to him. Not until she stood beside him and held his sleeve between her small fingers did he resume his journey…  
Jaken just kept his comments to himself.   
  
  
Looking around, Rin's knapsack was beside her as she went around trying to find the vegetables she would need to cook that night for dinner. It had been very hard to convince Sesshomaru that stealing was not an option even if he was a great, powerful youkai. The fact still remained was that he would have to steal food again for her.  
And he did it personally now…  
She remembered when she had done the same for him many years ago. By the river, she had smiled at him and given him food and water. Now, she realized that all that was useless, but he had kindly accepted it. By now, she also knew that he would have accepted it from no one else.  
Of course, no one recognized her from this place. Since the village was rebuilt and everyone had died when the wolves came, they were curious. Not many people came, but a young woman traveling by herself? And at the old age of seventeen? This was unheard of.  
Rin bought some vegetables as one of the women asked, "Do you need a place to rest?"  
With a smile, Rin shook her head. "Thank you very much, but I am fine."  
As she was leaving, there were several young men who were staring at her with lust in their eyes. She was very charming and pretty indeed, but there was something interesting about her that they couldn't understand. It attracted them all the same.  
Rin didn't pay attention to them as she left the village.  
Three boys followed her closely behind as she went into the woods trying to make her way back to Sesshomaru and Jaken.  
The three boys encircled her and she stood in her place with slits for eyes. The smile she had became a thin line filled with anger. "What do you want?"  
There was no answer. The boys from the villages walked out and tried to block her from going any further.  
What she couldn't understand was what would they want from her as they gave her looks trying to make plans of their own.  
"What do you want?" she fiercely asked once more.  
  
Rustle, rustle.  
  
A branch was pushed out of the way and as the boys looked at who was standing before them, they became scared for their lives.  
"And what was it you wanted with her?" Sesshomaru asked calmly as he reached out quickly for the neck of the boy that was closest to him. With his chin up, he asked, "If you touched even a thread of her hair, I'll kill all of you."  
"Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin shouted, frustrated at the fact that she wanted to take care of herself, but glad that he came at the time that he did.  
Throwing the boy to the ground, Sesshomaru eyed them and gave a warning of, "If I ever see you again, I won't think twice of running my hand through your chest."  
The boys ran away, but Rin pouted at Sesshomaru with an annoyed voice saying, "You always treat me like a child. I could have taken care of them."  
She continued as she walked in front of him, "I haven't traveled with you and Jaken not to know anything."  
Sesshomaru didn't say anything as he watched her carefully. He was used to her chatter.   
No matter what she said, he didn't really care for it. The simple fact was that she was in trouble, and he instinctively knew it. He had to find her and ease his own worry whenever she left him.  
"It isn't a matter of trust," he answered as they made it to the spot they had decided to settle upon, which was near the river and almost at the place where they had met years ago.   
He wouldn't ever admit that he got worried, and found himself attached to this girl who had followed him when she was a kid. And now, he couldn't imagine it otherwise.  
Rin took out a little kettle and boiled water in it. Silently, she looked at Sesshomaru knowing her words were at a loss with him.  
"What's wrong?" Jaken asked in Sesshomaru's place as he walked up to them. He sat by Rin as Rin tilted her head and smiled. It was a reflex that she couldn't control when she felt really depressed. And she didn't want to worry him either.  
"Nothing," she answered as she put more branches for the fire beneath the kettle. She sighed as she tried to avoid looking at Sesshomaru.  
"Did you guys get into a fight again?" Jaken asked as he slammed his staff to the ground. He shook his head and closed his eyes in frustration.  
Silence once more.  
"Why doesn't anyone ever tell me anything?"  
Known for being too honest, Rin blurted out, "I went to the village…"  
"Yes, to get vegetables," Jaken nodded knowingly.  
Rin looked at Jaken. "I wanted to see what it was like again."  
Sesshomaru turned his head away. "I knew we should not have come here."  
"Don't worry about him. He's just in one of his moods because-OW!" Jaken started to say as Sesshomaru hit him on the head to make him stop talking and not reveal something that he didn't want to acknowledge at that moment.  
  
That night, while Rin slept, the fire crackled and Jaken was going to make his rounds for the night. Before he did so, he looked at his master, wanting to have a talk with him, but didn't know how to approach the subject.  
Sesshomaru, who was looking at the moon, finally said, "If you have something, just say it. I hate it when people stare at me with nothing to say."  
"You sure are more irritable than usual, my Lord," Jaken commented almost expecting to be hit. Ever since that girl had come, he wasn't as much because Rin always felt bad for Jaken.  
"What was it that you wanted to ask me, Jaken?" Sesshomaru questioned with a scathing quality to his impatient tone.  
"She's growing up," Jaken said as she sighed. "You can't keep her with you forever."  
"I didn't keep her. She chose to be with us." Sesshomaru looked at Jaken as he said, "You saw with your own eyes."  
Jaken tried to push, "There was nowhere else to go, she had no real choice."  
"She could have gone back to her village," Sesshomaru simply replied.  
"Even if she did, you would have found some way to get her back." Jaken gave a hard look to his master trying to get a reaction.  
"You sound so sure of that, Jaken." Sesshomaru commented as he sarcastically countered, "I'm surprised."  
"Because it's true."  
  
Silence.  
The wind blew and Rin squirmed.  
"I still feel sorry for her. She is neither a human, yet she is not a youkai." Jaken again sighed as he stood up. "Where does she belong, Sesshomaru-sama?"  
Jaken looked at the sleeping Rin as Sesshomaru did his best not to turn his head to look at her.   
"She belongs nowhere," Sesshomaru answered bluntly.  
"She's at that age. In fact, she's an old maid already." Jaken then turned around almost ready to leave. "You have to let her go back now. Do you really think she can live the way she has without more consequences the longer she stays with us?"  
"She chose this of her own accord." Sesshomaru then turned his eyes towards the fire blazing before him.   
Jaken shrugged his shoulders and bowed to his master before leaving.  
  
When Jaken was out of sight, Sesshomaru stole a glance at Rin. He looked around as he got his cloak and put it over her body. Then, he sat back in his place and his eyes couldn't stop from looking at Rin, who was smiling at that moment.  
Sesshomaru seriously whispered to himself, "Yes, you chose to stay, but…"  
  
He finished, "I am unable to tell you otherwise."  
  
  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's notes: I wanted to make this fic for a long time… 


	2. Part 2

Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
Part 2 - Itai.  
  
With his eyes blinking for a moment, one couldn't understand if he was in pain or just performing a natural function for he had always masked his strength with silence.   
Sesshomaru, ever since he was young, had always thought to himself and was not used to speaking his thoughts aloud. He thought that there was no point in wasting energy on speech with people and things that were unworthy of his attention.  
  
Rin squirmed once more and then turned to her side as Sesshomaru just lifted his eyebrow a bit. It was a habit he had become accustomed to, as if he were guilty of being a voyeur and feeling things that he had never experienced before. Especially if he thought about dealing with something that seemed so weak.  
  
So humanly weak.  
  
It burned him deep inside, so he remained silent.  
The fact that Jaken had already verbally announced that he was uncomfortable with this whole situation wasn't helping. And the scene of Rin as a little girl standing in front of her village with that certain expression came back to haunt him.  
  
"I want to be with you," she had said to him.  
  
That's what made him feel so possessive over her. The fact that she had looked past everything. Whether as a travel companion or as a youkai, she had gone beyond what   
every other person thought of him as.  
  
To her, he was Sesshomaru-sama.   
  
She liked him just for being himself.  
  
And somehow, it always troubled him. He didn't know what to do with it, except to tell the girl to go away...  
...until he could no longer tell her so.  
  
He looked at the moon and shook his head slightly. "These idiotic thoughts that run through my mind make me think of my brother," he mumbled to himself as he got up and leaned his back on a nearby tree.  
  
"We should not have come here," he thought to himself as Sesshomaru's eyes looked down to the ground.   
  
It was the only way though.  
The only way to make Rin go away...  
  
To convince her to go back to the human village that she had separated from many years before.  
  
But he didn't want to do it. He needed her to do it by herself.  
  
Jaken's words repeated in his head. "Even if she did, you would have found some way to get her back."  
The look on his face held a countenance of such sureness. He was so confident that his master would have gone and gotten Rin.  
  
This just got Sesshomaru more frustrated.  
Was that so true?  
  
So deep in thought while looking at the ground, Sesshomaru didn't notice that Rin had gotten up and went to him. While kneeling before him, she tilted her head with a wistful look on her face as she took Sesshomaru's cloak and put it on him once more.  
He didn't say anything as she wrapped it around his shoulders. But she didn't like this particular silence from him. It was different from the other times, and she figured that he was still upset with her.  
She never could really understand him. He never said anything and so one never truly understood whatever went through his clear, yet complicated mind.  
When she took the collar and pulled it while brushing her fingers lightly on his undergarment, Sesshomaru watched her eyes as they avoided looking into his face. Rin was soon done and nodded as she said, "Thank you for letting me use your cloak again."  
  
This wasn't the first time he had done it. It was about the twelfth time and he couldn't figure out why he had to do it.  
She could survive since she was a strong one, for he would never deal with those who were weak. Yet, he couldn't help but try to make her feel comfortable.  
  
"I keep on telling you that you don't have to," she lightly scolded him as she looked at him.   
  
Silence.  
  
Rin then turned towards the fire, but as she glanced back at Sesshomaru, she didn't like the look he gave. It was not like any other that he had ever given to her.  
  
Pity and affection meshed into a face that always liked to remain expressionless.  
  
Sesshomaru then looked away from her and folded his arms as he looked at the sky once more. Without looking at her, he asked, "Rin, are you happy as you are?"  
  
Rin blinked as the profile of Sesshomaru stared back at her. She had never been asked this question and in her mind, it had never crossed inside of it.  
  
"I..." Then, she looked at the ground and then back at him. It wasn't out of embarrassment, but more of a shock at such a strong question that never didn't seem hard for her to answer.   
  
All she wanted was to be with Sesshomaru-sama forever.  
As she had wished on the nagareboshi so many years ago, but remembered as if it were only yesterday.  
  
"Of course I am, Sesshomaru-sama," she answered firmly as she smiled and looked at him.  
He still wouldn't even glance at her.  
Then, she looked at the wide blue sky filled with stars. "Why would you ask me that?"  
  
She didn't expect an answer.  
  
A pain went through her chest though she remained smiling.  
It was that small lull that always came back whenever she would see that sad look on his face. It was the one that he never showed to anyone, lest they think that Sesshomaru was feeble.   
  
To her, he was like the moon itself. With so many faces, and yet she loved them all.  
She accepted all these sides to him, known and unknown.  
  
For he didn't push her away.  
He didn't abandon her...  
  
On the day she should have died, he came back for her.  
And with that alone and its silent thanks, it was enough to make her bound to him. She gave no protest to this arrangement.  
  
"Do you understand why those boys approached you this afternoon?" He didn't even blink though inside he was so angered that he could have burned something with only the touch of his finger.  
Rin then got up as she approached the river. She looked at her wavered reflection as she answered, "Yes, I did."  
Washing her face, he disrupted the reflection as the cold water sent a chill through her body.   
  
Drip, drip.  
Little drops of water were going back into the river as if they were taking a piece of her away.  
  
Without wiping her face, she faced Sesshomaru. "I could have taken care of myself!"  
  
Sesshomaru knew better.   
He then looked at her as he smelled the tears that had come down and intermingled with the river water down her face. But his face remained unmoved.  
  
With his quiet voice, he said, "There will come a time when you will want that type of affection from someone, Rin."  
He was always blunt and honest with her, even if it would cut her.  
  
This time, it cut him also.  
  
At that moment, the wind blew softly through the trees making them rustle. They continued to look at one another.  
  
"Don't you ever wonder about things like that?" he asked her.  
  
He didn't want to ask her anymore questions though about a million had run through his while he talked to her.   
She just said, "Yes, I do, but that doesn't really matter much to me."  
  
With her hands in fists, she shook her head slowly. "You always do that, Sesshomaru-sama. You always think I can't do things by myself."  
  
Sesshomaru silently listened to her.  
  
Then, she turned around and continued, "Or is this your way of telling me to just leave and go to the village? Am I that much of a burden to you?"  
  
Rin stood there not really wanting to hear the answer because she was so scared of the response she'd receive.   
You just never knew when it came to Sesshomaru. He wanted something, but when you think it's a certain thing, it was actually something very different.  
  
But she had just said something that had run through his own mind a hundred billion times, and hit it on the mark.  
  
The water dripped away and Rin found her own salty tears once again falling. Just as much as she was crying when he had given the look of indifference while saying, "You'll have to go back. You do not belong with me."  
  
With the back of her sleeve, she just wiped them away. Unashamed, she just looked at him, sighed, and turned back to the river. While taking out a piece of cloth from her pocket, she dipped it into the river while blinking.  
She knew that it was futile and so she didn't want to fight with him anymore.  
  
Again, she kneeled before her Sesshomaru-sama. With the wet cloth in her hand, she cleaned his face. As a tiny drop of water escaped and ran down his cheek, Rin had almost thought he looked like he was crying.   
She blinked at him, but then she just continued to wipe his dirty face.  
  
"I've always wondered what you thought about me." While tilting her head, she softly patted his face. "I've always thought about why you have to be always quiet. What does he think about when he doesn't talk?"  
  
When she finished while patting his cheek, Rin asked, "I always wondered if you felt something for anyone or anything..."  
  
Then, she took her hand away and got up quickly, knowing full well that he would be angered by such questions. There was only a certain limit to what he would tolerate from anyone.  
  
She couldn't ask him, "Are you happy?"  
And her mouth refused to say, "Aren't you lonely?"  
  
And sure enough, Sesshomaru took a firm grip of her wrist.  
  
Glancing back at him, Rin was frightened by what her punishment would be, but it couldn't compare to not being answered.  
She was already used to it...  
  
It killed her every time he did that to her.  
  
But the face of wrath, for being somewhat arrogant towards him, wasn't there at all. Sesshomaru's eyes were soft...  
  
"You don't understand anything, Rin."  
  
This statement made Rin very frustrated and mad until she found herself pulled into his lap and his arms wrapped tightly around her.  
  
"If I lose you..." he thought, but couldn't finish.  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama..." Rin barely mumbled, confused at the sudden burst of open affection he had freely given to her.  
  
"He never did that before..." she thought as she found herself being kissed.  
  
It was then that he buried his face into her long hair until he found his lips kissing her neck. Rin's back was gently being pushed to the ground as Sesshomaru placed his hands on each of her shoulders.  
  
"What are you doing to her?" he found himself scolding himself harshly as his eyes looked at Rin's.  
  
Rin's eyes...  
Had no fear in them...  
No doubts whatsoever.  
  
How they had traded places at that moment...  
  
There was a war within Sesshomaru and he didn't know what or who was winning. The proud youkai that had said that humans were the lowest beings upon the earth and didn't deserve any type of respect from him.  
  
Or the person that Rin saw.  
The human man that was starting to exist ever since she came into his life...  
  
They looked at one another not know what to do...  
Until Rin put her hand Sesshomaru's cheek with a sad smile on her face while saying nothing to him.  
  
His lips didn't move to answer her silent questions as he thought, "To you, it's so easy for you to say, 'I want to be with Sesshomaru-sama'. But for me, it's more than that..."  
  
Sesshomaru's beautiful white hair draped on each side of Rin's body. He pushed some of it off her face as they continued to look at one another.  
  
With a concerned face, Sesshomaru deeply looked at Rin and honestly asked her,  
"Do you think I can give you what you want from me?"  
tsuzuku...  
--  
Author's note: Whoa...I'm glad that this chapter's out of my system!   
I'm enjoying this very much... ^_^  
  
I used 'itai' as a pun here. It can be grammatically used to mean 'I want'. Or, it can mean 'hurt, pain'. 


	3. Part 3

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is by Rumiko Takahashi-sama.  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
Part 3 - Ienai. Mienai. (Can't say. Can't see.)  
Sesshomaru continued to look down at Rin as his hands slipped to the grassy floor. She watched him with her hand still on his cheek with understanding eyes.  
  
"You shouldn't do this," he kept on thinking, but he couldn't pull away from her either.   
  
For the first time in his life, he was looking at Rin. Fully looking at her and analyzing her features.  
  
Not as a child, but as a woman.  
  
Rin's demeanor held no apprehension as to what the next step would lead for her answering this particular question. With a soft look, she gently answered firmly, "I never doubted you, Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
It wasn't the simple 'Yes' or 'No'. This was one question she had asked herself so many times before.   
The answer was always the same: Yes.  
  
There was no other way around it. She had never doubted that she would be with him for the rest of her life.  
  
Even...  
Even if she wasn't the one meant for her, nor she for him...  
She just wanted to be near him. And that's what made her happy more than anything.   
  
Yes, it was a simple answer.  
Sesshomaru was even more troubled by this deep response. Intelligent at that. It wasn't a response that wasn't well thought out.  
It wasn't carelessly given...  
This, he all knew.  
His eyes continued to stare at her contently.  
  
Somehow, her answer comforted him...  
But it also made him more confused inside though he betrayed no sign of this to Rin.   
  
Sesshomaru told her, "I've spoiled you, Rin."  
  
She let go of his cheek as she placed her hand over his with some blades of grasses tickling her palm. "Why do you say that?"  
  
"You've not experienced too much of life." Sesshomaru's eyes looked away for a moment.   
  
It was something he was unaccustomed to doing. Actually caring for someone...  
  
Slaughtering someone with his bare hands came naturally to youkai...  
Falling in love with someone was a custom that caused the ruin of youkai and humankind itself...  
  
Weren't they the same thing?   
Didn't they kill all the people that were involved?  
  
"Yes, you are too young..." he continued with a grave voice that seemed concerned yet hurt, "For only a child would answer that so easily."  
  
It was then that Rin knew what he was truly saying and her eyes now looked away as his eyes found themselves looking back at her pretty face.  
  
The face that never ceased to look at him lovingly and smile at him.  
  
Through the journeys...  
through slaughtering...   
through the passage of times that were frightening and heart-warming...  
She had always been there with him. Rin had seen the ugliness and weaknesses that he never wished to reveal to anyone, even Jaken.  
  
But that look that gave him content, the one where she was always smiling at him, whether scared or confident...  
It had vanished for the moment.  
  
The only look that remained on her visage was that of being rejected.  
This look of disappointment gnawed at him...  
  
She really didn't understand what he was trying to tell her. Nor did he comprehend what and how he would even begin to explain that the way she interpreted it was not the way he was thinking about the whole situation.  
  
As she was pulling her hand away from his, another tear fell down to the ground and glistened in the moonlight. "I understand."  
  
It was then that she turned to him and tried to smile, trying to be the brave child she had always been to him. "I'll always be a kid to you."  
  
"That's not what I meant," he harshly countered as the look between them became more intense.  
  
He didn't know how to tell her and he didn't even know how to show her anything of what he was feeling or thinking.  
But the confidence in him that she had was fading.  
  
"Do you understand what this will mean?" he asked as Rin's face was turning towards his at that moment.  
  
"Of course, I do," she said as she just gave him that same melancholic smile that drove him crazy.  
The one that she gave whenever she was so pained and/or embarrassed about something that she couldn't express it any other way.  
  
She leaned up to kiss his forehead. Then, feeling stupid, she laughed as she put her hands on his shoulders trying to gesture for him to stop blocking her way.   
But she couldn't stop looking at him. She hated the look of pity he was giving her.  
  
Except, she didn't know that he was being torn inside because she didn't understand the true consequences of this situation. Rin didn't mind what would happen to her.  
  
What he wanted her to know was that he did mind...  
He had seen it all.  
  
Yet, he couldn't find himself letting her go.  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama..." Her eyes fluttered not really knowing what to do or how to act towards him.  
  
He was saying things that were completely opposite of his actions. It confused her so much that she was trying to brush it off so that they both wouldn't be self-conscious over the situation.  
  
Sesshomaru's eyes looked at the right side of her neck filled with tangled webs of hair. He brushed it away lightly with his hand as his hands pulled on her collar. Then, he started to undo her clothes as he whispered to her ear, "I don't think I can grant you what you truly need. What you seek from me may be impossible to find."  
  
"No, you're wrong." Both of her hands cupped on both of his cheeks. "Everything I need is here."  
  
At that moment, Sesshomaru closed his eyes and began to kiss Rin's neck as he found himself kissing her on the lips while completely undoing the upper half of her kimono.  
  
But could he understand what she was trying to tell him? Rin wasn't sure, but all she could do was close her eyes as one of Sesshomaru's hands was going under her kimono and up on one of her thighs while the other was linking with Rin's fingers.  
  
For the first time in his life, Sesshomaru had doubted himself. Though he was the one to always make strategies and execute them with ease, this was the first time that he may regret what he was doing...  
As he unclothed himself, his cloak draped over his back as he undid Rin's sash. But, he paused for a moment while staring at Rin's naked body below him.  
"I couldn't understand my father when he fell for a human..." he thought with a lull of annoyance murmuring deep within him. "Why would he sacrifice himself for a human?"  
  
It was then when he looked at Rin did he begin to understand...  
  
"Rin, I look human, but I am a youkai," he said calmly though she could sense the desparation in his voice. "And that could be worse than you really think."  
  
"When have I ever cared about that?" At that moment, she lifted her head and wrapped her arms around his neck.  
While pulling him and leaning back on the grass, she kissed him.  
The fire crackled and began to extinguish as Sesshomaru's body began to melt into Rin's. She held onto his body tighter and tighter as he kissed her back...  
  
Unable to breathe...  
Trying to find one another in the darkness...  
  
She was trying to find out what he tried to say to her...  
While Sesshomaru was trying to find the heart of what she saw before her...  
  
"You should," he warned her gently as his voice purred into her ear.  
  
Sesshomaru, who had never cared for anything deeply except for becoming stronger, was inviting his weakness to devour him. He never really cared to hear the opinions of others except to further his plans.  
  
Much less, a human's words...  
His pride was slowly crumbling away while touching this girl's body...  
"But for this woman alone..." he thought to himself, "I want to see what you see, Rin."  
It was only then did he understand that humans may have been the strongest beings of all...  
  
Selfish to achieve their ends through someone else's misery like the race of oni...  
Willing to risk everything for that one moment and feeling they had been searching all of their lives...  
Humans who were enough to have made great youkai such as his father fall...  
As she gripped his hands tighter and tighter, he tried to give her the affection that she seeked from him. The care he thought he could never give to anyone...  
While she slept, he put his arm around her waist as his cloak covered their bodies somewhat. He held her as he looked up to the moon that was shining above them.  
  
Sesshomaru's mind, for one moment in time, wasn't constantly thinking. He was at peace, an illusion that he knew would leave as soon as dawn came.  
  
He was saddened as he looked more at Rin's sleeping face, which had a content smile upon it.  
  
Just like the time he told her that she didn't belong to him...  
He knew she couldn't stay with him forever.  
  
Someday, she would change and realize how the world really was.  
"I may have spoiled and sheltered you like a child, Rin..." he mumbled quietly. "But you belong to me..."  
And for that alone, he would keep her while he still could...  
  
While she loved him unconditionally...  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
Author's note: Whoa, I didn't expect this to have so many reviews. O_o I just felt like doing this fanfic, and well, I'm so happy about this predicament. The only thing that I've been thinking about that kind of nagged me was the fact of changing the rating. I'm used to doing yaoi/shounen ai fics, but I didn't know how to handle the 'scene' in this fic. I just hope it's okay. ^^;;; I'm always having trouble with the flow when there's something like that.   
And you guys are so encouraging! I was so tickled to find people saying, 'Wow'. * smiles brightly * I was thinking, "why do I like couples with huge age differences?" (Seishirou and Subaru, Ryuichi and Tatsuha, Sesshomaru and Rin...) 


	4. Part 4

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is by the wonderful Takahashi Rumiko-sama. I love her works and so I write fanfics as an appreciation of her hard-work and imagination. (Now, I hope I do them justice. ^^;;;)  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
Part 4 - afraid of you, afraid of me.  
Rustle, rustle.  
Blinking his eyes tiredly, Sesshomaru found a young woman sitting by his side. Strangely, he could not see her face at all because her hair was blocking most of her profile. He continued to gaze at her as the kind woman patted his head with a cold cloth as she tried to treat the wounds on his face on his arms.  
He gave her a curious expression as he was about to take his chin off the cup of her soft hand. He didn't want to be touched. By anyone.  
  
Sesshomaru stopped as he found himself catching a glimpse of the girl's gentle eyes.  
  
Her eyes looked so familiar to him...  
  
This woman looked human and had a scent of one, but she had one streak of red that indicated she was a youkai. It did not make much sense to him and so he just continued to stare at him, half wanting to and half not.  
  
"Why are you helping me?" his eyes said to her.  
  
"Because you were injured," she answered plainly, but he couldn't fully see her face.  
  
The woman with long, black hair in a braid leaned her figure forward as she said, "Please do not move."  
  
"I don't need your help," he defiantly said.  
  
"I'm sure you don't." Weirdly, she had answered that with a hurt tone.  
She then got up and thrust a bowl of drinking water onto his lips.  
  
He drank as some streams fell on the sides of his cheek and down his neck.  
Without discretion, she wiped the sides of his mouth with her fingers. "Thank you very much," she said.  
The woman took another cloth and patted his cheek and neck.  
  
"..." was all he could react with.  
  
"I know it was you who had saved me," she said as she turned to one-side with her hands folded.  
  
It's her...  
_that_ woman...  
  
At that moment, the woman's face turned to him and smiled. Leaning forward, she touched her lips to his. "Sesshomaru-sama...don't ever leave me..."  
  
Surprised, Sesshomaru accepted the kiss to find it was not whom he had thought it was...  
"Rin," Sesshomaru's said as soon as he opened his eyes abruptly, waking himself from his dream.  
  
Shaking his head, he found the stars were still out and that there was still a bit of time before the dawn.   
"That dream..." he whispered to himself.   
  
It was dream that had come to him so many years ago. Right after his brother had been enchanted by the priestess Kikyou, he became more apathetic to humans. It even came to the point that he could not stand seeing them or their scent.   
There was no way he would become weak such as his father and his brother and so he had gone around the island trying to become stronger than they could have ever been. That was until this particular dream kept on repeating in his mind. It added a story little by little until...  
  
Now, he found that the girl said, "Sesshomaru-sama...don't ever leave me..."  
  
It was unmistakably Rin's voice...  
And some part of him wanted to nod his head and say that he wouldn't. But someone like himself couldn't guarantee something like that...  
  
At that moment, Sesshomaru sighed and looked up at the moon again, as he had done before he temporarily napped. He remembered the years of long ago when his father was alive. His heart was still bitter that his father had gotten with another woman right after his mother's death.  
He wouldn't have cared for that was how all living things were, needing to be with someone or something to comfort them through their life. But his father had been watching a certain woman in the royal court. She was a beautiful woman who had long hair and was well versed with poetry.  
She had been writing poetry when someone had approached her. That's where it all began...  
  
And Sesshomaru had been disgusted. Only doing what his father asked him and nothing more, he was ashamed that his father had fallen for someone so below their own kind.  
  
But now, as he looked at Rin, he was making the same 'mistake'?  
  
Was he really?  
  
The girl he had met many years ago was small, helpless, and mute. And yet, she was still the same in a way, only older. Yet, she gradually had grown to be independent and talkative.  
  
Were they truly the same person?  
  
And what was so special about this girl that he found himself so moved by her? Going back to find her, fighting Naraku to win her back...  
  
...waiting for her to grow up.  
  
He couldn't understand anything when it came to Rin and yet he was never flustered by anything else.  
It was only her that mixed him up.  
It was he who had said to Jaken, "She belongs nowhere."   
Except, he knew very well that that applied to everyone.  
  
He was the same.  
Trying to prove to Rin that he cared without tell her. Was it possible?  
  
What did she truly see in him? The heartless Sesshomaru...  
"Sesshomaru's father...and a human???" an oni, who was talking to his attendant, had joked as Sesshomaru was passing by. Whether or not he knew that the devil himself was passing, he didn't know.  
  
Sesshomaru kept on walking and paid no attention to this. His eyes just became slits as he had heard the oni say, "And they are having a child?"  
  
"..." It was then that Sesshomaru had left without a word, trying to appear that he didn't care.  
  
He was frustrated that his father and that woman, and their soon-to-be child, didn't know their place in the world. And because of them, his own position in the youkai world was being questioned...  
  
"Maybe you're also like your father who-" a water youkai had teased, thinking that he could beat Sesshomaru.  
He was dead wrong and Sesshomaru took his throat into one hand. "You don't talk about my father or myself in that manner."  
  
Without a second thought, he crushed the water youkai's throat and left with a little dab of water in the raging river.  
Then, he thought about a certain person, Sesshomaru erased it temporarily from his mind and looked at Rin, whose arms were still warmly snug next to him.  
"How come you don't get older and look any different?" Rin had said kneeled next to Sesshomaru.  
Jaken shook his head and ran in front of Rin to say, "Are you an idiot, child?! How can you ask this dumb question!"  
"I am not dumb, Jaken-sama!" she shouted as she pouted with her hands in fists.  
  
At that moment, Sesshomaru reached out to her and patted her head.  
  
"It is because I _am_ a youkai." In a joke, he opened his mouth to show her his teeth with a deadpan expression on his face.   
  
Rin laughed and showed him her own teeth. "I don't have fangs."  
  
Jaken sighed in annoyance at the whole occurrence.  
Then, his jaw dropped at what he saw before him.  
  
For the first time, Sesshomaru smiled. He smiled at Rin as he asked, "Are you not afraid of me?"  
Rin shook her head as she pulled Sesshomaru's face. Then, she kissed him softly on the cheek. "No, I could never be afraid of Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
"R-RIN!!!!" Jaken shouted.  
  
Sesshomaru lifted his hand and laughed. Then, he patted Rin's head once more. "You're such a strange child."  
  
Enwrapped with his sadness, his eyes turned to that of a concerned man for his lover. Sesshomaru then leaned close to Rin and kissed her lips gently.  
She stirred, but kept her smile, the one he had always loved, upon her face.  
  
Then, the look of concern faded away as he gravely thought while looking at the sky,  
"The dawn has come, and we can never be the way we used to be."   
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I don't know why ff.net is formatting this weird, but please bear with it. ^_^   
Thanks for reading so far. I know it's going slow, but I like going back and forth. I really wanted to make it that you see Sesshomaru's side of the whole story, as well as Rin's. 


	5. Part 5

Disclaimer: Takahashi-sama owns Inuyasha.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
Part 5 – On the edge of letting go.  
  
Taking one more glance at her sleeping face, Sesshomaru tilted his head to study this woman that had turned him inside out. Then, he leaned forward as he whispered warmly in her ear, "Rin…Rin…"  
  
"Mmm…" she responded as she blinked her eyes. "Yes, Sesshomaru-sama?"  
  
Then, she looked around with a disoriented mind that had just broken from happy sleep. When Rin was finally awake, she found Sesshomaru next to her. Then, she remembered what had happened.   
  
He was still holding onto her. Almost as if he didn't want to let go.  
  
In a blink, his warm face became cold once more. With that, he let go her as she still thought of wanting to touch his face.  
He had looked so troubled at that moment.  
  
She gathered her clothes and walked to the river without discretion. Sesshomaru began to dress once more as he stole glances at Rin's pure, white body bathing. She just nodded her head at him and then dressed quickly.   
Many things were running through her head as she wrapped her sash around her waist, but she couldn't really focus on them at that moment. As she pulled her string and tied her hair, she kneeled down to the river.  
Taking a cloth once more in her hands, she dipped it and went over to Sesshomaru, who was standing his place, observing all that was around him. He was wondering what step he should take and where they should go when she pulled on his collar to make him bend towards her.  
He just did so as Rin brought a cloth to his face. As she was about to rub his neck, he caught her wrist.  
  
"No," he told her while not looking into her eyes.  
  
"But Jaken will smell my scent all over you…" she whispered with concern.  
  
"Does that bother you?" he asked her, still holding onto her wrist, but gently placing it down.  
  
He knew that she wasn't. Sesshomaru knew very well that Rin wasn't about herself, but for himself. She would never be ashamed that she was with him.  
At that moment, he just pulled her deep into the forest. There was a small lake with a mini-waterfall to one side.  
  
The morning was still a little dark, but the dawn's rays was starting to change the sky. They knew that they were running out of time…  
  
Sesshomaru stood in front of Rin and undid his clothing. He washed himself in the water as Rin waited in her place, as she had been told to.  
  
He called, "Rin, come here."   
  
"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama." She then came to find him dressing himself and she turned around while blushing a little. She was still getting accustomed to this predicament that they had put themselves in.  
  
He shook his head as he said, "Look at me."  
  
Rin turned around and looked straight at him. He began to dress once more with a look that said, "Is this the person you really want?"  
  
But Rin couldn't see it.  
This was a Sesshomaru that was new to her. He was always kind to her, but he never expressed that he cared so much.  
Everything was by coincidence. Like the time that she had waited to be rescued when Kagura had kidnapped her.  
  
She had _hoped_ that Sesshomaru would come and get her…  
When they got back to where they had settled, Jaken was coming back from his rounds. "Hello, Jaken!" Rin smiled as she sat next to the fire trying to make breakfast for all of them. Though they didn't need to eat, they had been used to eating with Rin, for she never really liked eating alone.  
"Oh, you are in good spirits now!" he commented with a smile while tapping his staff next to her. He patted her leg and she laughed. "I'm trying my best, Jaken."  
  
Jaken then went over to Sesshomaru, who had a contemplative look on his face. The wind was running through his air like a small fan. Sesshomaru was still thinking of where to go.  
It was then that Jaken stood next to Sesshomaru and whispered, "What will you do with Rin?"  
  
"She will leave when the time comes," Sesshomaru said in a grave tone.  
  
"I'm only saying this so that you won't-" Jaken started to say, until Sesshomaru had given him a death glare that promised the Angel of Death in a swift stroke if he spoke any further.  
  
Sesshomaru looked onward and knew what Jaken would say. He didn't want to hear, "I'm only saying this so that you won't be hurt."   
For they both knew that little bothered or touched the lump that had been dubbed nonexistent within Sesshomaru's body.   
  
Jaken knew for a fact from the time that his master had taken in a human girl, she wasn't as worthless as he had thought she was. He thought she was a burden…  
  
…until he had seen his master become cruel, yet gentle at the same time.   
  
No one was allowed to touch Sesshomaru, but Sesshomaru allowed himself to be touched by this girl.   
To hold his hair, to touch his cloak, to pat his cheeks…anyone else would have been killed in a split-second. Rin had been allowed to live and be cared for.  
  
Jaken even used to get jealous that Rin was treated a little bit better than himself, but then he understood his master didn't favor one or the other. He treated them with the limited affection he could.  
You live, that's great in itself.  
  
They traveled again after a day, but whenever Jaken would leave, Sesshomaru and Rin would just sit next to one another in silence. She would try to read some of the books that she had gotten through Sesshomaru and Jaken.  
Rin felt content as she laid her head on Sesshomaru's shoulder as she tried to decipher her book. He would point out some things to her and she would nod at his explanations.  
  
They were living a bit like 'normal people' during the night. But when the day would come, they would act like the always had.  
Jaken didn't suspect anything and obediently did his rounds night after night. For that was the best way to get information from other youkai as well as survey the area.  
One night, Sesshomaru just patted Rin's hand and thought that he was getting to old though he would always look the way he had. He stared at his reflection later as Rin slept.  
  
"Eternal youth and power," he said to the reflection in spite.  
  
Turning away, he went to Rin and slept by her, wanting to be near her. She stirred and woke up. When she blinked her eyes, she smiled and hugged him. But because of that smile that he loved so well, Sesshomaru once again kissed her and took her once more.  
  
This forbidden desire was tearing him apart though he showed no sign of his silent suffering, but Rin also was troubled. For a moment, she thought it was his pity for her, that he touched her and nothing else.  
As she pulled him to kiss her, she wanted to comfort him. To make him stop thinking so much.  
  
"Stop thinking all by yourself…" she whispered to his ear as he kissed her.  
  
For she could feel his touch was changing…  
One of uncertainty and fear…  
  
Rin knew that she was doing something to change him. But she liked him the way he was, and so she became a little scared. For Sesshomaru to appear in any other light than her admiration would crush her, but for him to lose favor with her would be equally as painful…  
  
"You aren't alone…" she whispered gently as she fell asleep.  
  
"Was that the problem?" he thought to himself.  
  
How she could read him so well, he would never understand…  
Did he distance himself because of what he was?  
  
Was he afraid of whom he was becoming?  
…or was he always this way, trying to mask it over with a confident look?  
  
No, he wasn't like that. It was because of Rin that these strange thoughts had come to him and he knew they could become truthful…  
  
As he was about to fall asleep, Rin wrapped her arm around Sesshomaru's shoulders from behind. Then, she quietly sang to him a verse of a song that she had made while Sesshomaru disappeared for hours and days at a time,   
  
"No matter what happens,  
he told me to wait here for him.  
And here I will stay  
Because I believe in him."  
  
He closed his eyes as he patted Rin's hand and held it all night long.   
"It is only because you have been with me that you can love me whole-heartedly," Sesshomaru thought.  
  
--  
  
Almost a month later, Sesshomaru stopped walking and held his hand out in front of Rin. "You better rest here."  
"Why?" Rin asked while trying to mask that she wasn't doing well.  
Jaken looked at both of them and waited for what was going to happen.  
  
Without looking at her, Sesshomaru said, "Don't try to hide that you are sick."  
Rin shook her head.  
He gave her a Look while she commented gently. "It's nothing. Let's continue."  
  
"I'll return after I look around." And so Sesshomaru walked on without another word, treading the terrain of his father.  
  
Jaken stayed with Rin while she read one of her books quietly. With a worried look, she turned to Jaken.  
  
"I'm sorry that I'm not feeling well," she said to him.   
  
"I know. That's why I've been assigned to stay here," he told her as he tried to write something on a scroll. "At least now, it was not as bad as when you were younger."  
  
Rin laughed. "Am I that so bad?"  
  
"Yes," he answered without hesitation. "At least now you stay in the same pl-"  
  
At that moment, Rin smiled, but she ran over to a nearby river and threw up into the stream.  
  
"Rin!" Jaken shouted as he patted her back.  
  
"I'm all right…" she mumbled to him as she got up and walked over back to their spots.  
  
"You must see a doctor," he pleaded softly to her.  
  
She shook her head with her hands fidgeting. "It isn't that."  
  
"But you must see a doctor. You've been ill for quite some time now." Jaken said as he stuck his staff in front of her as if he were going to scold her. It was only about of concern that he did and so she smiled more at him.   
  
"So you knew also?" she asked, thinking was doing well with hiding her sickness.  
  
Jaken shook his head. "Child, sometimes I know you better than you know yourself."  
"Now if only Sesshomaru-sama would…" he mumbled quietly to himself.  
  
"Let's go then," she said as she walked with Jaken to a nearby village.  
  
As Jaken walked beside her, Rin's eyes became a bit distant, maturing in this past month to a stage that Jaken didn't really catch. But he knew that if he didn't take good care of Rin, Sesshomaru would have his head without hesitation and before he could say the words, "I…"  
  
Rin came into a village and asked if she immediately see the doctor. Jaken was with her and patted her leg to lead her on as she dizzily followed a nice woman that lead her to the local doctor.  
"Here…" the woman said with a gesture of her hand.  
  
Jaken stood outside of the dwelling as Rin was seen by the doctor. The people looked at him strangely. Some didn't pay any attention, but some were angered that a youkai was allowed to pass through their village so easily.  
While exiting the dwelling, Rin bowed her head and gave what she could as payment to the doctor. He pushed it back to her as he shook his head. Patting her shoulder, he said the only thing he could. "Good luck."  
  
Rin came out, she put her hand on her head and walked out of the village with Jaken and his worried expression right next to her..  
  
"What did they say?" Jaken asked as they trudged through the greenery. "Is there anything wrong?"  
  
Rin shook her head. "No, the doctor said I was perfectly healthy."  
  
Surprised, Jaken asked, "Really?"  
  
Then, she stopped and looked at the ground as Jaken found himself a few steps ahead of her. Rin looked up and she tilted her head while looking straight at him with a gentle expression.  
  
Rin didn't know if she was happy or sad, or both at the same time as she continued to look at Jaken. With a wistful smile, she finished,  
  
"A perfectly healthy mother."  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I actually was going to put this part of the story in the end, but then I thought of other things that I could use, so I put it here. Very early in the story, but it gave me a lot of directions to go, and I'm enjoying this immensely.  
I'm having a hard time with this fic as well as 'Wrapped around your finger' because they are told in the third-person omniscient. I'm usually okay with first-person narratives and I'm not very good with details. Please bear with me because I'm trying my best. 


	6. Part 6

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Inuyasha.   
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 6 – fall from grace.  
"NANI?!?!"   
  
Jaken tripped, face first, onto the grass. Coughing up the dirt that had touched his lips, he spit it out as Rin came over and knelt before him to pick him up. Wiping his mouth with her sleeve, she dusted him off with her hands. She then sat in her place with her hands now folded, a bit protective over her soon-to-be enlarged belly.  
  
"Y-y-you and Sesshomaru-sama…?!" he shouted out in disbelief. Well, not totally. He had liked them together, but for them to progress this far was more than he had expected! He felt kind of hurt for not being informed in the first place.  
  
Rin nodded solemnly as she knelt in front of Jaken.   
  
"Well, how are we going to tell Sesshomaru-sama?!" Jaken said with an exasperated sigh as he held his hands out with the staff about to fall because he was still so shocked.  
  
She patted his head with a heavy heart as she shook her head with a quiet, "I cannot."  
Then, she opened her eyes and continued, "I will tell him when it is time."  
  
"You can't do that, Rin!" he said, not wanting to betray more than he knew about the whole situation. "He has to know!"  
  
He couldn't understand this strange, strange girl. "Most women would be running to tell their mate that they are having children. And yet, I find you not even smiling."  
  
Rin couldn't express her anguish. That because of her, Sesshomaru was changing into someone soft. Maybe he needed to be that way, but he was becoming unsure of himself in her world.  
She couldn't bear that.  
  
And to say that she had his child, she almost didn't want to suddenly upset or shock him. She didn't know how to exactly explain her mixed feelings, but she had a feeling that she wouldn't be able to tell him just yet.  
  
Patting Jaken on the shoulders, Rin pleaded, "You must not tell him about this. No matter what happens, you mustn't."  
  
"Rin!" he shouted in a scolding tone while holding out his staff towards her.  
  
"Promise me, Jaken." She blinked her eyes. "Please…"  
  
The child that couldn't call him uncle because he wasn't her relative…  
The child that couldn't call him '–san' because he was much closer than that…  
The child that he had learned to love himself…  
  
How could he refuse her though it would have angered his master for not saying what was truly happening?  
  
Grimly, Jaken nodded his head. "But I still don't understand why you would want to hide such a thing."  
He then laughed as he patted Rin's stomach softly. "Sesshomaru-sama now has an heir growing inside of you."  
Rin smiled a bit brighter.  
  
But it troubled her for Sesshomaru was known to have hated humans and yet here was a hanyou developing inside of her…  
In a way, she was making him weak…  
  
The opposite of why he wandered all these years.  
She then hugged Jaken with a soft 'Thank you' to his ear.  
  
Then, she got up and they resumed walking as Jaken lifted up his staff happily. "We have to make plans on what to do with the heir!"  
"Oh, Jaken…" she laughed as she lifted her hand to her mouth because he was actually very happy, though shocked at the same time.  
"We must train him to be a fighter like his parents!" he smiled while walking.   
  
Rin laughed more as she shook her head. "How can you be so sure it will be a boy? How about if she's a girl?"  
  
"Either way, Sesshomaru-sama will be happy," he said, trying to hint that hiding this wasn't a good idea.  
  
At these words, Rin's heart fluttered happily, wishing that this would be true. At that moment, she found herself still smiling, but wiping tears from her face…  
  
It wasn't out of joy, though.  
  
It was stemming from worry. This feeling inside of her wouldn't go away and it was getting stronger and stronger…  
At that moment, she looked up and held her hand out as she felt some drops of rain.  
  
"We must hurry back," Jaken said as he held onto the end of Rin's kimono carefully.   
  
As it was approaching evening, they were almost at the place they had settled when they heard some rustling. As Rin pushed some branches away with Jaken next to her, Rin took a deep breath as she took in what was in front of her.  
  
Color was fading from her face as she began to become numb. She gulped as her fingers held onto her kimono with no words coming out of her open mouth.  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama…" was all that Jaken could mumble as he looked at the scene and back at Rin's crushed expression. "Rin…"  
He then held onto the end of her kimono with a shaky hand.  
  
Rin looked down at her belly and patted it softly while softly shaking. Putting her stray hairs calmly behind her ear, she sighed as she looked at Sesshomaru again.  
  
To add more salt to the bitter wound, he wasn't trying to hide it or looking back at her to give her any reason of why he had done it. He wasn't cautiously telling her, "Look away."  
  
He was just silent with his head facing the youkai woman whose hands were wrapping themselves around his shoulders.  
With that same smile that she always defaulted to though she was dying inside, Sesshomaru didn't turn around as a youkai woman was underneath his cloak, also naked.  
  
Rin had known for some time that this would have happened. She always feared the day that he would fall out of favor with her…  
  
…but she never wanted that day to come.  
  
Somewhere inside of her, she thought it wouldn't ever come.  
But she had been wrong, hadn't she?   
She was really child to him after all…  
Reality was right before her and it was hitting once more. The cold, frozen numbness was melting and she could painfully feel things again. Her heart was cringing within her like a twisted flower in which something beautiful was becoming indistinguishable.   
  
With a final blow, Sesshomaru's harsh tone reached her ears as she still stared blankly at the scene. He commanded her,   
  
"Go away, Rin."  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Ack…I hope you guys aren't too sad... ^^;;; I promise a happy ending, okay?!  
I was thinking of what would be the most cruel thing that Sesshomaru could do to her…and because of that, I couldn't breath while making this chapter. I felt so bad, but that's how it's going… 


	7. Part 7

Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Takahashi-sama.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 7 - Suki dakara . (Because I love you.)  
Rin was still ingesting the situation, unable to run in any direction as she could feel Jaken looking at her and at his master.  
  
"He doesn't love her..." she thought to herself. At least, that was what she was thinking to herself.   
  
Inside of her, she knew that this picture wasn't wrong because he was with someone else, but that he intentionally wanted to hurt her...but why?  
He had cared, hadn't he?  
  
But then, he wouldn't have done this to her either if he HAD loved her in the first place, right?  
  
"LEAVE NOW."   
  
Sesshomaru's commanding tone shoved itself through her ears once more. She turned around and gathered a small bag as she stood up silently while Sesshomaru stood up trying to tie a cloak loosely around himself while the youkai woman with a red eye on her forehead stood up with an annoyed look of being interrupted. Sesshomaru gave her a look as she went away with an obnoxious air about her as she selfish covered herself and walked past Rin.   
"Humph," she arrogantly puffed out as she walked into the woods and gave a seducing look towards Sesshomaru before disappearing.  
  
Rin remained standing before Sesshomaru with a melancholic smile that wanted to protect her true feelings. But her eyes still held that defiant air about them. Her hands clenched onto her bag. "I truly understand now."  
  
Sesshomaru stood firm as he watched her. This girl that he had waited to grow up...  
  
She turned around with a calm air around her. Rin had not accepted defeat but was more upset at the fact that she was truly disappointed in him. "I didn't ask you to love me back or anything of that sort. I'm not going to even ask you why you did this."  
  
"I thought you respected me." Looking at him, a single tear was finding itself falling from the dam of tears held back. "I always believed in you, Sesshomaru-sama. That no matter what happened, you would take care of me."  
  
With a cold tone, he gave her a straight look of no remorse or regret in his face. "I guess you were wrong, Rin. The world doesn't work as well as it should."  
  
"I hope I will see you again, Jaken," she said while nodding her head and that strange, sincerely wistful smile on her face. She blinked her eyes as the dam finally fell when she said,   
  
"Goodbye, Sesshomaru-sama."  
Sesshomaru thought of the same Rin when she was 9 and she had said sadly, "I hate you, Sesshomaru-sama. You didn't come for me..."  
  
"Get that out of your mind..." he thought to himself as he saw her turn around and walk away with the strength he had taught her all these years.  
Her strength was dripping away with each tear falling from her face. Rin found herself running with blurry images going through her head and before her path.  
  
"Why? I don't understand!" she wanted to scream to the world. "Where did I go wrong? When did I lose his affection?"  
  
All Rin wanted was to be with Sesshomaru-sama...  
...why was that so hard to ask for?  
  
Every time she hoped to stay somewhere safe and warm, something always happened to ruin that from her...  
  
Still frozen in his place, Jaken was still staring at Rin running away and then he turned around towards Sesshomaru. Shouldn't his master know that the girl he had hurt had his child inside of her? What will happen now? What should he do?  
  
But he had promised her...  
  
He went up to his master. Shaking his head, he laid his staff in front of his master. Many years ago, he had left his clan to follow this awesome youkai that had crossed his path. Because of that, he abandoned the life he was accustomed to, and followed someone whom he didn't even know would accept him as his servant.  
  
The pledge he had given...  
What would happen to that now?  
  
The one where ultimate disobedience would mean death for any servant.  
  
He was going to now sacrifice it for a little girl he had grown fond of. Why? Because he felt his master had crossed the line of utter cruelty.  
  
With a heavy heart, Jaken closed his eyes as he said, "I'm sorry, but-"  
  
"Go after her, Jaken," Sesshomaru interrupted with a growl. "Lead her to the south."  
  
Jaken blinked his eyes with a confused expression on his face. "Sesshomaru-sama?"  
  
"Get to her while you can still watch her," Sesshomaru harshly said with a concerned tone.  
  
"But-" Jaken tried to protest with confusion all over his face.  
  
"You are wasting my time." He commanded as Sesshomaru's hand became a fist. "If you stay here any longer, I will truly kill you with my own hands."  
  
Jaken's confusion ceased as Sesshomaru turned around to look at him. His sorrowful eyes were more than enough for Jaken to understand the truth of the matter. He immediately picked up his staff and ran after Rin with a clear response of, "Yes, Sesshomaru-sama!"  
  
Shaking his head, Jaken ran as fast as he could to catch up with the heart-broken Rin who had found herself holding her stomach with one hand and the other rubbing her squinted eyes. She wasn't sobbing as one would have expected her to be.   
  
Rin was actually rubbing the tears, but with no cries from her mouth.   
  
So many things were running through her head...  
  
[flashbacks]  
  
When he blinked and nodded his head and said, "Rin, here."  
Sesshomaru gave her a book when she was 9...  
  
--  
  
"AHHH!" she shouted as she was about to fall while trying to reach for something on a tree. He grabbed her waist and shook his head...  
  
--  
  
While falling asleep with Jaken not to far away, Rin sang,  
  
"I look at the stars  
With all my might  
I have everything I need.  
Thank you, gods."  
  
Sesshomaru had come up next to her. While looking up at the stars, she looked up at him as he said, "You sing well. Sing for me again."  
She nodded her head and smiled happily as she began to sing for him...  
  
[end of flashbacks]  
"You don't understand. And now, I'm all alone," she whispered to herself as she stopped running and was just walking quickly to no particular destination. "All over again."  
  
"Oh no, my-" Then, she began to cough and cough.  
  
"Rin!" someone called after.  
  
"Huh?" She immediately stopped to find it was Jaken coming behind her.  
  
Her face became even more miserable, not at Jaken, but at the fact that now, Sesshomaru wouldn't run after her.  
  
No, he just wasn't the type, after all...  
Why would he?  
She couldn't even say his name...  
Jaken, trying to find something to say, cleared his throat and said, "I'm going to stay with you from now on."  
  
"And what about Sesshomaru-sama?" her eyes said. Even after all that, she thought of him first.  
  
"I'm no longer under his care," Jaken said with a straight face trying to be convincing to her. "Even that was more than I could bear, Rin. And so, I also said goodbye."   
  
He approached her and tugged on her kimono as she fell to her knees. Rin finally embraced Jaken's shoulders. Jaken put one arm on her and patted her back. "Oh, Rin..."  
  
When she was finished, he tried to distract her by saying, "We'll have to get you food."  
  
Rin stopped crying as she got up and put her hand in a fist with determination. Again, she tried to smile that grin that tried to hide everything behind her mask of unhappiness. She patted her stomach lightly.  
  
A tear slipped as Jaken tugged her to go south, just as Sesshomaru had commanded.  
  
When they got there, a youkai was struggling with a man on the dusty path. Rin pulled the youkai by its skin and looked at it straight in the face. Her battle aura began to rise. Then, she threw him carelessly to one side.  
  
The young man got up weakly as he squinted at her while bowing before her. "Thank you very much," he said, almost with his pride being broken.  
  
She shook her head and turned around to leave, just as all the years she had learned from her lord.  
  
The young man protested, "No, I owe you my life. I must repay you."  
  
Politely, she held her hand up with a gentle nod of her head.  
  
The young man with a high ponytail while holding his punctured, bleeding eye said, "Do you live far? I will take you back to your village. It is the least that I can do."  
  
"We are wanderers," Jaken interceded.  
  
The young man, without a second thought, took Rin's hand firmly and nodded to himself, "I will take you to my village."  
Sesshomaru, who was watching atop a mountain ledge, nodded his head as he turned around.  
**  
  
It had been many days since Jaken had slipped from Rin's sight to find Sesshomaru on the same mountain ledge overlooking the village where Rin and Jaken were staying. Jaken then told him what was happening with Rin. He reported that she was fine and getting acquainted with her new home though there were people who looked at her ways of life as strange.  
  
But as Jaken was about to leave, Sesshomaru asked, "How is the child?"  
  
Jaken's heart stopped for a moment as a sweatdrop rolled down his brow. How could he betray his promise, but how could he lie to his master?  
  
"A child?" Jaken gulped as he turned around to his master. "What are you talking about, Sesshomaru-sama?"  
  
"The one Rin is carrying inside of her womb." He continued to look over the ledge trying to avoid Jaken's eyes.  
  
Jaken, smiling to himself that nothing could get past the Sesshomaru-sama he knew, answered while shaking his head, "They are both doing well."  
  
"..." Sesshomaru continued to give a calm silence.  
  
At that moment, Sesshomaru handed the fur on his shoulder to Jaken. He instructed, "Give this to her. The barrier will protect her and the baby if anything happens."  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama..." he mumbled in disbelief.   
If only Rin could have seen what he himself could see right now...   
Jaken knew what this meant. This was what would change Sesshomaru's into his true form and was the keeper of some of his power. "Without this, you may not sur-"  
  
"Don't question me," he hissed while folding his arms impatiently. "You have said enough, Jaken."  
  
"I'm sorry, My lord." Jaken nodded his head as he looked at the fur. The fur no one could touch lest they wanted to commit suicide.  
  
"Protect her as much as you can and make sure her mate can support her the way I can't," was the message Sesshomaru was giving with his silence.  
As Jaken was about to turn around, he asked, "If I may ask one thing, My lord?"  
  
Sesshomaru grunted with annoyance.  
  
Not really expecting an answer, Jaken questioned, "Why then did you do that to her if you already knew?"  
  
The wind blew and there was no other noise but the rustling of the tree leaves.  
  
Jaken took a few steps and started to leave. He had not really anticipated any answer, especially when it came to Rin.  
  
But he was wrong.  
  
Sesshomaru then answered, "_Because_ I love her."  
  
  
Jaken's stopped walking as he shook his head sorrowfully not understanding either Rin or Sesshomaru.   
  
"And because she loved you, she lost her voice again," he responded back.   
Then, he left without another word as he ran back to the village.  
Sesshomaru watched the village peacefully even though his heart was slowly dying inside. He thought to himself,  
  
"You should go to where you came from...  
  
To someone who can take care of you.  
  
For I cannot grow old with you...  
Nor will I be able to die with you...  
  
I could give my body to anyone...  
...but I wouldn't give anything else. Just to you, Rin...  
  
...even if now, you would never know."  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Whoa, I didn't know that I would get such strong responses for this fic. I was so happy, that even if you were heart-broken, sad, or mad at me for the last chapter...even confused...because it meant that I did my job as an author. I always try to get an emotional response from my readers so that they feel something from what I'm writing.  
Thanks for supporting me so far. It is truly encouraging for me. 


	8. Part 8

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is Takahashi-sama's!  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
Part 8 – you are you.  
  
To say the least, Rin was more of a spectacle than anything else in this new village in which she was finding temporary shelter. Her voice wasn't going to help her at the moment and Jaken just walked beside her with a curious expression, both expecting and surprised by humans and their reactions.  
Nonetheless, the young man, now with a patch over his left eye, told the villagers that he was saved by this young woman and that no one question her presence in the village. Of course, that never stopped anyone and so rumors were starting to spread.  
  
"Kin-san…" an old lady shook her head as she took the handsome young man to one side, "Are you sure she isn't a kitsune trying to trick you?"  
In his heart, he knew she wasn't the kind. Rin's eyes had given him a confidence in what he felt. "No," he answered firmly.  
The old woman, who trusted Kinnosuke, just shrugged her shoulders. "As you are the leader of the village, we must respect your wishes."  
  
The silent Rin was the receiver of many stares. They were of all kinds. Envy of her beauty and youth. Anger that she had been the one to sway Kinnosuke's heart. Pity for being 'alone'. And hatred for being so trusting to a youkai.  
All the while, Rin just did what she needed to. She just quietly washed clothes and hunted with Kinnosuke in thanks for his compassion.  
"I wonder what will happen from here?" she thought to herself whenever the evening approached. As she cooked, she looked at Jaken, who would sit across her and tap his staff while saying, "Please stop wearing that expression."  
  
Rin was distressed though she tried to be as tough as she could. Jaken was sitting with uneasiness unable to tell her what was going on.  
Then, at that moment, he raised up his finger. "I have something for you."  
  
The girl nodded her head as she saw Jaken take out Sesshomaru's fur from a folded cloth. The one he had received only a few days before.  
  
Rin's heart jumped as she dropped the spoon she was holding onto. Her eyes fluttered as Jaken came over and handed it to her.  
  
Her eyes kept asking, "Where? Why?"  
She couldn't help but look at the soft her being put into her hands and at Jaken.  
  
Jaken turned around. "I saw him as I was making some rounds."  
  
Rin's fear was growing as she felt the fur almost communicating with the baby for she could almost feel it trying to touch a piece of its father. Impossible as it was.   
  
She put one hand on her stomach as she looked at Jaken. Then, she smiled as she pulled Jaken to hug him. Snuggling her face happily, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief, yet apprehension at the same time.  
  
She knew what it meant for Sesshomaru-sama to take off the fur…  
  
Rin held the fur out to Jaken as he stood up in front of her. He lifted up his staff and clicked it on the ground. "I cannot return it to him. He specifically told me to give it to you."  
  
She still held out to him.  
  
"You need it protect the child," he answered her.  
  
Her arm felt so heavy that she dropped it as a single tear made its way down her cheek. She looked down at her stomach.   
  
"He knew…of course, he knew…" she thought as she really thought about her situation. This was Sesshomaru-sama. It was only a matter of time, after all.  
  
Then, she took the fur into her arms and hugged it. She smelled it.  
  
"Thank you," she thought to herself as the fur felt alive in her arms.  
It still had his wonderful scent.   
And all Rin could do was smile…  
  
Even if she couldn't have him. Both of these things were enough…  
--  
With an evil smile, Sesshomaru was wandering in search of a solution to his latest challenge. Or rather his predicament. He bared his teeth angrily as he held a hand out while a small youkai in the form of large spider tried to attack him. Sesshomaru thrust his nails into the youkai as it vanished into thin air.  
  
This would have been easier if only he hadn't given his fur. But Rin needed it more than he would ever need it.  
Except, the other youkai were gradually coming to challenge him to test out their strength with the disillusionment that Sesshomaru was rumored to have gone soft. The only thing he could do was gradually get further and further away from the village where Rin and Jaken were.  
  
He had another reason for doing this though, even if he didn't want to admit it…  
  
"We keep on wandering in a maze which seems so redundant," he mumbled to himself. "And yet, I don't understand humans and their liking for ruts and the like."  
  
It all seemed so far away now…  
Things were becoming clearer, yet blurry simultaneously.   
  
He wanted to curse Toutousai who had said that he knew who he was. For at the moment, he didn't know.  
  
Being a youkai was a privilege to become stronger than anything and feel nothing. To absorb the feelings of others and manipulate them.  
A race so superior to the other organisms that lived on the planet.  
  
Yet now, Rin had made him think twice about this life of aimless wandering. Nowhere to go, nowhere to live, just keep on going.  
She had once asked, "What were you doing all this time before Jaken and I came?"  
  
He looked at her, almost wanting to scowl for he didn't want to answer such a mundane question. Especially to a thirteen-year-old human girl who knew nothing about life, for if she did, she wouldn't have inquired such a thing.  
  
"I was keeping things in check," he simply answered as he walked on.  
  
"But weren't lonely?" she asked cautiously while looking up to him.  
  
"…"  
  
She fidgeted her fingers as she said, "I was when I lost my family."  
  
Then, she jumped in front of him and held his hands. "Now, I don't feel that anymore."  
  
Rin immediately let go as Jaken exasperated a sigh with a shake of his head. He teased, "I told you we should have given her back to her village."  
  
Sesshomaru ignored the remark and watched Rin walk quickly in front him happily.  
Without a care.  
  
Wanting nothing more than what was around her…  
Jaken and himself.  
As a few more weeks passed, Sesshomaru was quite a distance away from where he wanted to be as Kinnosuke's village was slowly being attacked by youkai more often. Before it was only once every six months, now, they had come twice in less than two months.  
  
The villagers were finally getting used to Rin. They still looked at this girl who strangely sang songs to herself ever since she had regained her voice. But they didn't feel anything but respect once they had seen her fight alongside with Kinnosuke to keep the youkai away…  
About three days after the latest attack, in the late evening…  
  
"Woman, what are you doing?" Kinnosuke asked Rin as she stood in front of the dwelling in the middle of the night. "It isn't safe."  
  
Though he was quite arrogant for an eighteen-year-old, Kinnosuke was quite tender-hearted. Actually, it was quite endearing for him to call Rin 'Woman' in the first place. She had saved him, but in turn, he treated her as his equal. And 'Rin-chan' or any other name would have been too awkward for strangers living under the same roof, just on two different sides of it.  
  
Rin's hands were folded, but they were turning white with worry at the way she kept them together. Her calm demeanor deceived many as she looked up at the moon thinking of Sesshomaru, again wondering what he was doing at that moment.  
She turned her head as she looked at Kinnosuke. "I couldn't go to sleep."  
"You do this every night. It is more than insomnia." He gave her a jug of water. "Don't dehydrate yourself."  
She laughed. "I just drank at dinner time."  
He blushed while grunting and still handing it to her.  
Nodding her head, she thanked him quietly.   
  
"Are you waiting for him?" he asked her as they both looked at the moon together.  
  
"Waiting for whom?" she asked as she stopped looking at the moon because it was too painful. Her heart was beating fast at the fact that she had not spoken to anyone about Sesshomaru, except that one time with Kohaku.  
  
"The master of the Jaken-sama," he said matter-of-factly.  
  
Rin shook her head. "Oh, he'll never come back."  
  
She tried not to cry and so she kept on smiling softly as she said this. It was to shadow the thoughts of seeing Sesshomaru on the ground and telling her, "LEAVE NOW." The same voice that had told her, "I cannot understand you." He thought she was sleeping, but she had heard him with his heartbeat so loud that she could feel it on her own skin since he held her so tightly.  
  
"It is better that he doesn't come back," she said knowingly. Her eyes surveyed the fields and the land before her.  
  
He looked at her with a curious look. "Why is that?"  
  
"I will leave here soon also, Kinnosuke," she said to him.  
  
He argued, "Where will you go? You have nowhere to go. That is what Jaken-sama had told me."  
  
"Youkai will attack your village if I stay here." She turned to him and gave him a serious look.  
  
"How do you know that?" He blinked his eyes and gave her a skeptical expression.  
  
"I've lived with youkai for most of my life, so I recognize their smell. Latent as it may be to you, I can sense it."  
  
He grabbed her wrist, he persisted. "But where will you go?"  
  
"Wherever the wind and moon will lead me."  
  
"Youkai will always come because they will never be rid from the world." Kinnosuke said as he still held onto her. "Humans are even worse sometimes.  
  
Rin's hands went over Kinnosuke's as she shook her head. She looked at him in the eye. "You have been really kind to me. And I thank you for that, but I have to go."  
  
When she blinked her eyes, she looked at the moon and back at him. Patting her stomach, she said, "I'm having a baby, by the man with a moon on his forehead."  
  
In astonishment, he blurted out, "The youkai who is Jaken-sama's master?"  
  
Rin shook her head thoughtfully. "No, Sesshomaru-sama. To me, he is not a youkai, nor is he human."  
  
Kinnosuke was awed at her even more than before.  
  
Then, she let go as she turned around and went back into the thatched dwelling without another word.  
She kissed the sleeping Jaken as she set her futon and went to sleep.  
  
Holding the fur next to her, she thought about the time she had said his name. For, Rin never called Sesshomaru without the '-sama' until she had told him while lying on the grass one night.   
  
She had whispered to his ear,   
"Sesshomaru…  
I love you because you are you. Nothing more."  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: And we will just persist to keep on going. ^_^ 


	9. Part 9

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Inuyasha.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
Part 9 – Not until the demons inside of my head become quiet…  
A chibi Sesshomaru was walking by a lake and turned his head to look at his reflection.  
  
"Hey!" a little girl ran to him and skidded next to him. "You seem new around here."  
  
He said nothing.  
  
She pouted and poked him. His eyes opened wide as he blinked in horror at the girl not knowing who he was.   
"What's your name?" the girl asked as she tried to be nice again.  
"…" He just looked at her.  
The girl shook her head in frustration. "Why won't you talk to me?"  
"You are a human," he arrogantly answered.  
"And you are too," she replied with a matter-of-fact tone.  
His eyes darkened at the remark. "No, I am a youkai."  
"You are?" The little girl bit on her index finger as she stared at him with a confused expression.   
  
He nodded quietly.  
  
"Let's play tag." Then, she poked him. "You're it!"  
  
"I have no time to play with you!" he shouted at her.  
  
"Oh…" she said, finally getting the hint.  
  
Sesshomaru then found the girl walking sadly away.  
"Sesshomaru-sama…" the brown-haired little girl had said to him. But she was no longer little anymore. She held a bamboo stick towards him. "I will kill you if you step inside of my village."  
  
He remembered her fierce eyes as she said them.  
She didn't hold the same affection as she did when she used to talk to him on her excursions outside of her village...  
  
"Could Rin be like her?" he thought to himself as the sky grew dimmer above him.   
  
She was one of the reasons that he hated humans. They were even worse at being two-faced as an oni wanting a fresh human child for a feast…  
Granting the woman to have a child, only to have an oni eat it later…  
While Sesshomaru was trying to find a place to rest for the night, the wind suddenly grew a bit violent. Yet, he did not stop.  
"Sesshomaru…" a voice called in the wind.  
  
A whoosh of the wind went by as Sesshomaru stopped walking and his eyebrow twitched slightly at the annoyance.  
  
The voice laughed eagerly. "You are a fool."  
  
He smirked at the idiotic comment. "One who knows others' faults usually have them as their own."  
  
"How long do you plan to stay this way? Without your fur, you must live like that of your half-brother. Powerful, but still has the scent of having touched a human."   
  
He said nothing and would not react. So, the voice pressed further, "You are no longer a full youkai."  
  
Though his temper was rising, he answered, "Don't deter me if you have nothing amusing to say."  
  
"Because your weakness is that girl," the voice said with disdain. "A _human_ girl."  
  
"My strength is that human girl." He turned around slightly with unwelcoming scalding look that would have killed mere mortals by now with their fury.  
  
The voice became impatient and angered as it said, "Go and take the fur back and claim your rightful place as the son of your great demon father. Abandon the woman completely and marry the one whom you were engaged to before you wandered around this pathetic island."  
  
"I will do as I please." Sesshomaru replied as he turned around and walked away knowing that this conversation was useless.  
  
"You cannot continue long without your fur, remember that? To your father, a fang may have cost him a 1/10 of his power to give to his young one…" the female voice laughed heartily at Sesshomaru. "What will you give to your child?"  
  
"That is assuming that youkai will let her grow it until term…kukukuku…." She bellowed evilly.  
  
"You underestimate humans as I once did." With his arrogant attitude, he left without another word.  
  
For decades of years that had gone by like months, Sesshomaru had thought the same thing, but Rin had made him see something he never wanted to realize. That was part of the anger that drained within his blood.  
And so, he had to go on this journey to answer the questions.  
  
Could he survive with Rin? Of course he could…  
…if he had been the same as he was many years ago.  
  
Physically, he could anything, and his mental prowess was unquestionable.  
But he had somehow wanted to understand if Rin would become the same as that woman…  
  
  
As he sat under the evening sky, he looked up to the moon with a stern face.  
  
He, who had always been conscientious of humans, was beginning to act differently towards humans. When they passed by him, they would pay no attention and he wouldn't say anything either.  
Somehow, the villages weren't as harsh as they had once been. That was probably due to the joint effort of Kagome and Inuyasha in finding the Shikon shards.   
When he was wrapping his arm, one day, someone was compassionate to offer him bandages while they were passing him by. Sesshomaru found himself bowing his head in thanks to the old woman as she smiled and left him standing under a tree.   
Whenever he passed a child, he would wonder what did he see in Rin that was so different from all the children that he had ever met? Push aside that she gave him food when he didn't need it. But what was it that he was so fascinated that he loved her to death, almost cringing in his blood to comprehend its complexity.  
If only he could understand beyond what he was accustomed to.  
This wasn't something that involved looking at all the strategies he had…  
  
…he had to look deeper.  
But was he willing to go any further?  
  
Somehow, when he looked at some children, he wondered what would his own child look like, and what would he think of him. Of course, he expected resentment on his part, just as Inuyasha and he had, for different reasons.  
  
"Why…why must I wonder now about things that never troubled me before?" he asked himself.  
  
What was happening to him? And could he find the answers?  
Would he be alive to even answer them?  
  
At one point, he looked at the ground with a soft look on his visage. In all honesty, he thought quietly to himself, "I want to return to her."  
  
He knew he couldn't though.  
Not until he found what he was looking for…  
--  
The next morning…  
  
Rustle, rustle.  
  
"And I must leave now," Rin said as she packed the few belongings she had.  
"Thank you for your hospitality. We have overused our stay," Jaken said as he looked up to Kinnosuke.  
"I will not allow you to leave my village," Kinnosuke firmly answered.  
Rin shook her head as she stubbornly answered, "Kinnosuke, I will not argue with you."  
  
"You have nowhere else to go," he responded, wanting not let her go at all. "And who will take care of your child? You can't survive out there."  
  
"When I was little, my family died because of bandits. When I came back to li-" then she stopped as she continued, "When I came back to my village, the wolves had killed everyone. If I can survive then, there is no way that I will be a coward now. I am not weak."  
  
"Rin, calm down," Jaken said as she patted her leg while she eyed Kinnosuke.  
  
Jaken, of all people, knew this look. The look of defiance that made Rin so lovable to Sesshomaru because she was so fearless. Even to him.  
  
It was then that Kinnosuke opened a chest and threw a beautiful cloak to the feet of Jaken and Rin. "Marry me."  
  
Rin stopped packing as she looked at him in shock.  
  
Frustrated, Rin replied, "I will not be pitied just because-"   
  
Kinnosuke shook his head as he finally found his hands on her shoulders. "You don't understand. When you came to this village, you gave me more confidence of protecting this village.  
"You are intelligent and clear-headed. As long as you are by my side, I know that this hope can be attained of no longer fearing youkai but actually being able to live with them. I'm not pitying you, I'm asking you because I love you for being the way you are."  
  
Rin's eyes opened wide as she looked away.  
  
Kinnosuke let go as he turned around and left without hearing her answer. Jaken's jaw was opened and he so desparately wanted to tell his master of this incident.  
Was this all part of the big scheme?  
  
Deep inside of him, he knew that was Sesshomaru's purpose. And at this, he was disappointed with him.  
  
Jaken then looked up to Rin, who was still looking at the doorway.  
  
"Where _will_ I go?" she whispered to herself as she thought of Sesshomaru.  
  
He had given her his fur, she knew, as a final goodbye. For with all the times that he left her, he never left anything…  
  
This was it. It didn't mean he would ever return to her. She knelt down to Jaken and hugged him as she was now feeling the impact of everything.  
  
She whispered to his ear, "I wish I could be a child again."  
  
He asked because he didn't want to see her any more troubled, "Before you met, Sesshomaru-sama?"  
  
"No, never." She shook her head as she calmly sighed, "Before I troubled him with my childishness."  
  
She continued, "I gave him food and water that day thinking that I could be of use to somebody instead of running around scrounging to live."  
Rin smiled with melancholy. "And when he looked at me, I knew this was the person I didn't want to leave me once I awoke from a bad dream. He dressed me up and took care of me because he respected me. I was no longer treated so badly…"  
Then, he eyes began to become wet with tears. "Now, I know that it was all in my head. I was a burden to him."  
  
She got up and wiped her tears as Jaken said, "No, that's not true."  
  
She smiled as she was shaking her head while going to the front door. "You don't have to be so nice to me, Jaken. You don't have to lie to me to make me feel better because I am no longer a child."  
  
At that, she sighed as she left to take a walk to the shrine of the village.  
The smile was becoming harder to pull off as she thought,  
  
"I don't have to wait for him.  
He doesn't want me to anymore…"  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: The outline is done! Now to see how to do everything… 


	10. Part 10

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is by Takahashi Rumiko-sama.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By yui miyamoto  
Part 10 – Aitai. (I want to see you.)  
  
Rin went to the shrine and bowed her head silently. She searched and searched within herself for the strength that was waning everyday. Though she wanted to be strong, she knew that if she lied to herself now, then she would waste all the years that had passed, for she had learned nothing from wandering throughout Japan with Sesshomaru-sama and Jaken.  
  
"But what was he afraid of?" she asked herself as her closed eyes began to scrounge up. "Was there anything that he was ever afraid of?"  
  
She could think of nothing. Wasn't this an idiotic question in itself?   
This was Sesshomaru she was talking about. And why the hell would he risk everything he represented for someone like her?  
  
Rin knew she didn't have that much courage in this particular area.   
Not when it came to Sesshomaru anyway.  
  
She believed in him, but she also understood, no matter how odd or twisted the situation seemed to be.  
  
Rin sighed because she knew, Sesshomaru was at a war with himself…  
…for her sake.  
  
"Since the beginning, I had not changed," she said to herself. "Ever since he first said to me, 'Rin, stay here and wait for me,' I never questioned it."  
His eyes always looked through her, almost wanting to catch something that she couldn't quite comprehend either.  
  
Sesshomaru even opened his eyes a bit as she patted his hand with a smile. "I'll be right here, then."  
  
"You're not supposed to touch him, Rin!" Jaken has shouted at her.  
She looked at him with crushed eyes. "Why?"  
"Because-" Jaken started to explain.  
"It is all right," Sesshomaru said as she let go of his hand. Then, he patted her head and walked away while she sat on a large stone looking behind him.  
  
--  
And now, Sesshomaru was finding himself being pushed back as a group of youkai from all parts of the country came to challenge him. No matter what the technique, the agility, or whatever his opponent brought to the fighting, he defeated them all.  
It became very boring, but he fought with all his might to figure out why people acted the way they did. He was determined to see things from her end of the telescope.  
  
Could he do it in time? Could he live through it all? His father was not so fortunate when he tried to seek out something his brother and himself didn't understand…  
  
"Maybe, I will finally understand why she wants to stay by my side…" he thought to himself as he held a large branch between a mountain youkai. "Even why…why she accepts this person who has stopped many lives because they weren't worth his time…"  
A few days later, Kinnosuke cooked food for Rin as Rin began reading a story about a man who wanted to find the elixir of eternal youth.  
"Why are you reading that?" Kinnosuke asked as he stirred his soup.   
"It is very interesting," Rin answered as she kept her eyes scanning over the letters. "You learn many things, even from fantasy books."  
Kinnosuke smiled as he shook his head. "You are always learning. Doesn't your mind ever stop working? I shouldn't be talking though. I am always thinking about the village."  
Rin put her book down and looked at Kinnosuke. "I can't stop thinking."  
Then, she looked at the book and knocked on it softly with her knuckles as if punching it. "It's his fault," she laughed to herself.  
"Ah…" he nodded his head knowingly. "He seems to be a great teacher."  
"Oh, he taught me so many things! When I was little I almost put my hand in a pile of unknown leaves when Jaken shouted at me while Sesshomaru-sama caught me before I tripped into it. I was very stupid."  
Kinnosuke then patted her shoulder. "Not at all! I've been bitten by so many things because I wasn't careful whenever I went out of the village. In order to train by myself, I stupidly thought that I knew everything."  
Rin laughed at him. "That is dumb."  
"Hey! That's a good face," he smiled to himself. "You always look so serious that I never know whether you are mad at me or the world."  
She shook her head. "Why would I be mad?"  
"Because I do very stupid things." He let go of the spoon and put it over some paper as the soup was starting to simmer. "Like ask a girl I hardly know to marry me."  
"Kinnosuke…" she started to say.  
He looked at her seriously, "Now, I know, I was wrong."  
"Kinnosuke, I actually thought about it." Rin smiled at him kindly as she said, "I will-"  
  
CRASH!  
  
"What's that?!" they both shouted as they rushed out to find a large millipede attacking the village.  
As Kinnosuke brought out his dagger, Rin ran to get the sword the village had lent to her. They looked at the villagers saying to hide in the shelter they had made while they defended the village.  
Kinnosuke ran and jumped on the giant millipede as sliced through some of its skin.  
  
"Be careful of its poison!" Rin shouted as she ran to cut off its head.   
  
"Ah, so you are the one I am seeking!" the millipede chuckled as it made its way towards Rin.  
"I need the taste of the blood of your womb."  
  
"AHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Rin shouted as she ran the sword through the middle of the youkai.   
  
Then, they each wiped their foreheads as the youkai vanished before them, only leaving dusting rising from the earth.  
  
"I need to leave because I'm endangering your village, Kinnosuke." Rin said without turning around.  
"Woman, look at the condition you are in to say this!" he retorted with a childish anger that made him react a bit more than he had wanted her to see.  
  
"Kinnosuke-" she started to say as Jaken shouted, "Rin!!!! RIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Jaken?!" she ran towards his voice with Kinnosuke trailing after her.  
  
"Sesshomaru…sama?" she mumbled to herself as she saw him being pulled by Jaken. Rin dropped her sword as she saw a bleeding Sesshomaru with his eyes closed.  
  
As soon as she got to him, she skidded to the ground, scrapping her knees and her kimono. Then, she held on to him as she shook her head. "Sesshomaru-sama! Sesshomaru-sama!"  
  
She wanted so much to see him, but not like this…  
  
Here he was bleeding all over…  
…and the warm blood was draining itself onto her kimono…  
  
At that moment, Sesshomaru opened his eyes a bit as he focused them on Rin.  
  
For the second time in his whole life, he smiled at her as he reached out to her cheek, painting it with the red drops of his blood.   
  
Almost inaudibly, he asked her, "Is that really you?"  
Then, his hand fell down and his eyes closed once more…  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: Someone had said something about Rin being harsh to herself. I know it's true, but I couldn't portray it in any other way. For Rin to say, "I don't need Sesshomaru-sama" would make her lie to herself. She and Sesshomaru have made a special bond, and now, it's tangible shape is their baby.   
They are harsh to themselves because they know they've each done something to the other that defies the borderlines of youkai and humans. Though there have been many stories of children being half-youkai and half-human (well, yeah, Inuyasha, ne? ;p), but I wanted to make this a bit different.   
For someone who wasn't so kind and actually disliked humans and for another person who should have hated youkai for killing her in the first place, well, they're a unique couple, ne? 


	11. Part 11

Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Takahashi-sama.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By yui miyamoto  
  
Part 11 – Return to you.  
  
After Kinnosuke and Rin brought Sesshomaru to the dwelling, Rin laid out one of her kimono over the futon while positioning Sesshomaru into a comfortable spot. Kinnosuke politely dismissed himself and set off to go to sleep.   
Jaken then stepped forward as Rin dipped a cloth into a bucket of water to wipe Sesshomaru.  
  
"I will be back quickly. It is that time of the year," Jaken said as he patted Rin on the shoulder. Then, he looked at his master's arm and sighed. "He is so stubborn."  
  
Jaken left and they were all alone.  
  
Rin then worked vigorously in silence while wiping all the blood off his body. When she pulled him to lean on her, she hugged him. "Sesshomaru-sama…I missed you so much…"  
  
She let go as she rubbed his back…  
  
After changing his pants into a villager's black pair, she dipped his tattered clothing into water and let it sit there. Rin then let out a loud sigh as she pushed his bangs to the sides of his face.  
  
But she couldn't help but shake as she worried endlessly while looking at him. He winced in pain as she tried to treat his arm.   
That arm cut off by Inuyasha…  
  
The one that he always tried to hold away from her, almost out of shame. When he had an ogre arm, he wouldn't let her touch him in any way. Not even to brush accidentally against his clothing.  
It angered him so much, and this, she couldn't stand.  
  
And here it was bleeding while things were spinning in her head. What could have caused this to her beloved Sesshomaru?  
  
Just the day before, she had been wishing that he was well, but now, as she looked before her, it was as if no one was listening. No one was on her side except Jaken.  
  
To ease her mind, she started to sing.  
  
"We wander and wander  
trying to find where we belong,  
but where do I go?  
I wait because he told me to,  
And I cannot do anything else.  
I wish that he would believe in what I say,  
That I never lied  
When I childishly said,  
'I want to be with you'."  
  
At that, she looked down at his face to find that she was crying on him. She found him looking straight at her and it startled her at first. Rubbing her eyes quickly with the back of her sleeve, she turned around.  
Then, she splashed her face in water, wiped it, and came back to him.  
  
He then looked away from her as she looked at his profile. Some part of him was ashamed for leaving her, but if he didn't, she would have been in more danger.  
  
Some part of her thought he was mad at her because she was crying. She knew he hated it when she cried because he used to scold her for displaying her weakness.  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama…" she began to say at the same time he opened his mouth and said, "Rin..."  
  
There were many things they wanted to ask of one another. There were many explanations for the actions they had chosen, but neither could say anything.  
They were not used to telling each other their true thoughts, fearing that they would hurt the other. Also, they feared the other rejecting them for it. And some part of themselves hated the fact that they had to even think or feel the way they did.  
  
Because of that, Rin just took Sesshomaru's hand, even if he would throw her hand away from him.   
However, he didn't. He held her hand back.  
  
And somehow…  
For that moment, it seemed to be enough to relieve them.  
After a long time, he finally turned to her and she let go of his hand. Then, he got up as she brought a bowl to his mouth and fed him some of the soup.  
  
"I can do it myself," he protested as he watched her.  
She shook her head. "I know you can, but let me do it for today…"  
  
He ate silently while he looked at her. This time, she wouldn't look at him in the eye. She looked away once in a while with something to say, but nothing coming out of her lips.  
  
After eating, he laid back down and she put the dishes aside. With her back turned towards him, she kneeled and looked at the dishes. "Am I that useless to you?"  
  
Sesshomaru didn't answer, but he stared at her.  
If he gave up his reserve, he would never forgive himself...  
  
She then turned around and knelt next to him. She had not expected any answer anyway. To pray for one was a miracle in itself.   
Rin dipped the cloth again into the bucket and wrung it out. Carefully, she turned to pat it on Sesshomaru's forehead. He just looked at her while she tended to him as always.  
  
It was as if nothing had changed…  
…except that her child was growing bigger within her.  
  
At that moment, Rin shook her head as she bent down to hug his head with the cloth falling off his forehead. Gently, she held him in her silence. "Why are you hurt?"  
  
"It doesn't matter that you don't want to answer me," she whispered to him. "I'm already used to you, Sesshomaru-sama."  
This was the last sight she had wanted to see him in.  
Sesshomaru closed his eyes and let himself be comforted by Rin. How he had missed having her next to him…  
She wanted to give him back his fur. "Must I return the fur now?"  
  
Her eyes cringed as her heart ached inside of her. The last string was being pulled and she knew she would lose him forever if he answered yes.  
  
Maybe it was for the best…  
Then she wouldn't have to feel so tortured.  
  
"No…that's not it," he replied to her.  
  
That wasn't what he needed.   
He needed for her to hear what he wanted to say, but couldn't express.  
  
"I now understand after wandering this godforsaken lot…" he breathlessly said to her, "It is you who doesn't need me, Rin.  
I have been useless to _you_. Who would his mate to understand her? Tell me, Rin!"  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama…" she mumbled softly to his ear while her heart cringed more.  
  
"Does this sound right to you? Who would always leave her taking it for granted for many years?" It was then that he finally said what was on his mind. "Why would you put up with me if I was so cruel to you all this time? And then, I come here and you still love me?"  
  
She began to cry again while still holding him. "Shh…shh…Sesshomaru-sama…"  
Rin tried to hush him as she was touched by his words, while guilty that she was the reason he was becoming someone unfamiliar, even to himself.  
  
"Of course. No matter how much you push me away, I will always look for you," she whispered to him ear lovingly while running her fingers through his hair. "You were always good to me. You made me feel important.  
"All my life, no one treated me special in any way. I was the troublemaker that lived with no family. Always running and running, trying to find where I could live peacefully."  
  
At that moment, he put out the fire. And through the darkness, he reached out for her hair as he pulled the back of her head to kiss him. Her eyes opened wide, but then closed.   
As he laid back down and pulled her with him, she shook her head while putting her palms on his bare chest. Her eyebrows touched one another. "But, you're injured…"  
  
He shook his head as he got up and pushed her slowly to the futon below him. She couldn't fight with him because she had ached for him to touch her…  
  
Her hair fell carelessly around her as he tried to undo the top of her kimono, pulling it down to her waist. Then, she pulled his face with her hands as she kissed him on the lips.   
She looked into his tired eyes and then he bent down to kiss her neck once more. Working his way down, she pulled half on the futon's sheet and half on his hand as he drank in her shoulders and all of her skin.   
Her eyes closed a bit tight as he devoured her chest, while she wrapped her arms around his back.  
  
Then, he stopped as he looked at her stomach. She looked at him as he pulled her kimono more to look at the child forming.  
  
Sesshomaru then bent down to kiss her womb.   
Rin was touched deeply by the gesture.  
  
At that, he then pulled the blanket at the edge of the futon as he laid beside her while she pulled her kimono over her chest. Snuggling next to him, she put her arm over his stomach.  
  
The sense of security was back and her worries ceased.  
  
"Rin?"  
"Yes?" She blinked at him through the darkness.  
"I still have to leave," he said as he looked at her.  
"…"  
"I need to find the answer to my questions…" he said to her. "Until then, I cannot rest."  
She nodded understandingly.  
"Wait for me here, until then," he pleaded softly. "I know I have no right to ask-."  
She put her index finger to his lips while smiling and nodding at him.   
  
"I will wait as long as it takes," she said firmly. "I believe in you."  
  
He closed his eyes as these words comforted his troubled thoughts.  
  
For many, many years, he had wandered aimlessly. Not knowing where 'home' really was or the concept behind it. He had said he never cared for it because that was only a state of mind.  
In a sense he was right, but the other half was wrong.  
  
It meant that you could relax…  
…and you didn't have to think tirelessly trying to find something that may never come.  
Until Rin had come,  
He had not realized how lonely he truly was…  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: I know that I have just dragged on this angst, but my purpose for this is because I don't believe in a perfect love relationship. When someone says to another person, "I love you," and they live happily ever after, that's not realistic. Love is also a hardship.   
It is like everything else that needs time and effort from all involved in order for it to be 'successful'. Sometimes saying it isn't enough. Sometimes actions aren't enough either. It's the will to overcome and accept someone wholly, no matter what they've done. For example, Kaoru understands Kenshin in a way that nobody else can. Some people cannot see him past what they've been seen or told, but even through all that, Kaoru could still look at him in the eye. Even if he couldn't accept it himself…  
And she is truly strong because no matter what, she wants to make him happy. She smiles despite everything. He sometimes he has caused her pain, but she points out to him that him being there is all that she wants. She will accept everything.  
I admire Rin because she wasn't scared of Sesshomaru when she first met him. And I envisioned her to grow up with this strength that made her a match for Sesshomaru's former way of thinking. She isn't boisterous, but she will speak her mind when it is needed. 


	12. Part 12

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Inuyasha.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
Part 12 – Kirai. (Hate.)  
  
When Sesshomaru's breathing had become deep, Rin's eyes opened to the darkness. As her eyes adjusted and looked at her beloved, her hand remained on his stomach.  
  
He was alive. This was all that mattered, wasn't it?  
That's all she had asked for.  
  
Even like this.  
  
She then took off her hand as she brushed Sesshomaru's loose strands away from his face. From the perpetual smile on her face, she couldn't help herself.  
  
"Where did you go?" she whispered in vain as she asked another question. "Where will you go?"  
  
Even though she was used to him leaving, she knew now that he would always come back for her. It was that look.  
  
The look of sorrow, as if her Sesshomaru couldn't breathe even though he was so close to her. Even if he was so calm and had nothing to say, he was trying his hardest to tell her and all she could do was nod her head understandingly, trying to comprehend him as best as she could.  
  
But with some instances, she simply couldn't get him at all.  
There was sometimes that gap of experience and age that kept them from being together even they were kissing each other to the point that they couldn't breathe.  
  
As Rin stared at him, she continued to smile. "At least you are here…"  
  
When she was about to get up to go to the bathroom, Sesshomaru's body acted on its own and enwrapped her body next to his with his arms.   
"Sesshomaru-sama…" Rin mumbled a bit in shock, not expecting this extreme reaction to moving slightly into another position.  
"Where are you going, Rin?" Sesshomaru whispered sleepily while bringing her close to him and pressing his lips to half of her ear and half of her cheek.  
"I have to go to the bathroom," she answered with a giggle, thinking this whole ordeal was quite funny and peculiar.  
Like a child, Sesshomaru shook his head while still half-asleep. "No, I don't permit you to leave."  
"This is ridiculous. I will be right back," she laughed again while turning to him and kissing his forehead. "Rin isn't going anywhere far."  
  
He wouldn't let go.  
Instead, he brought her entire body even closer to him in a loving embrace. "Don't wander too far."  
  
Her eyes opened a bit in surprise. It was the same tone of care he had given her years ago when she had wandered too far and lost her way.   
Sesshomaru had looked for her and when he found her, instead of scolding her, he stood next to her, sighed, and placed his hand on her head. While looking out into a field, he had only uttered, "Don't wander too far."  
Rin had blinked her eyes and nodded her head because she didn't want to cry.  
  
She thought for sure he would leave her for she had caused nothing but trouble for him.  
An extra mouth to feed and someone to protect.  
  
Someone whose ways were foreign to him in a very large way.  
Now, she blinked her eyes as she shook her head and kissed him again on the forehead. "I will be right back," she answered.  
  
Only then did he let her go.  
  
But, Sesshomaru opened his eyes temporarily to see Rin's silhouette leave the room. He then fell into a deep sleep once more…  
"I will not play with you," a chibi Sesshomaru had said indignantly to the brown-haired girl.  
  
"I want to play with you," the little girl had said again with a pout and a ball in her hands.  
She threw the ball to him.  
  
He kicked it back.  
  
She threw it, and he kicked it back as he just stood there with a large sweatdrop on his forehead.  
  
Years later, the same little girl had become a young woman and she was the head of her village in her father's place. She continually met with Sesshomaru because, somehow, they had become both friends and adversaries.  
  
"I like you," she had said to him with a determined look in her face.  
  
He just looked at her.  
"I do not dislike you," he answered as he turned around to leave.  
  
The same sweet face that had loved him had changed through the years. Because of the mentality of society, Mari was still influenced to trust no one…  
  
Especially youkai.  
  
Though he had almost resigned to living with her, she chose her village over him. Since then, Sesshomaru knew that youkai and humans couldn't live with one another…  
The anger in her eyes while pushing him back…  
  
"You hateful woman," he spat at her as he turned away from her, and once again started on an endless journey.  
  
Then, in his dream, there was a smiling young woman laughing at him.   
"Sesshomaru-sama!" she laughed while playfully jumping over a mud pond at the side of the road.  
"Stop doing that, Rin," he scolded her. "You're not a little kid anymore. How old are you?"  
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter."  
"Rin…" he growled with affection towards the girl.  
"I told you that you spoiled her-" Jaken was about to say when Sesshomaru 'accidentally' led him to a ditch to fall in.  
  
Without knowing it, while Rin entered the room once again, Sesshomaru talked in his sleep. As she settled in beside him, he thought aloud in his dream, "Will you hate me too, Rin?"  
  
Rin shook her head as she held his head. Whispering to his ear, she said, "Never, Sesshomaru-sama."  
The tense look on his face lost its tension and became calm and collected as it had always been. As she snuggled next to him, she wondered what had brought him to say such a thing.  
  
What she didn't know was that Sesshomaru had wondered about that ever since he had taken her under his care. It plagued him like a disease that seemed to never be cured no matter how much Rin loved him or showed all her affection towards him.  
  
For that woman had been the same way, only to change on him as time passed.  
Rin kept her eyes open to keep the moment that Sesshomaru was with her, even for a while.  
Then, she too fell asleep.  
When she woke up, dawn was almost near as Sesshomaru stood in front of her and put on his clothes, the ones that Rin had dried before she came back to him.  
He had to leave so that he wouldn't stir any more trouble for Rin.  
  
"They already saw you," she said to him as she seriously watched him putting on his clothes.  
  
She was referring the villagers.  
  
"I have to leave before they catch up and bother you all here," he answered while putting on his cloak.  
  
He was telling her the youkai may be approaching.  
  
She got up to fix his collar. With a sigh, she took his collar into her hands and pulled it towards her. Then, she kissed his neck and wrapped his cloak around him. Closing her eyes, she embraced him as she whispered to his ear. "I won't ever hate you, my Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
"Rin…" he said as she let go of him.  
  
He didn't know what brought this about, but he was comforted by her words.  
  
As he smirked at her, he left her in the doorway. When he got to the front entrance, he turned around to find her still standing there.  
  
She would always wait for him…  
…and now he was sure.  
Rin then came running towards him.  
"You shouldn't run," he said to her and then she suddenly stopped.  
He stared at her and shook his head.  
"It's out of reflex." Then, she came close to him.   
  
Pulling his hand, she put in a stone into his hand. It was the one she had picked up by the river when she had first decided to follow him.  
  
She didn't say goodbye to him.  
  
With a confident smile, she told him,  
"Hurry home, Sesshomaru."  
Nodding, he took his leave.  
He just couldn't tell her everything at that moment. He would with time.  
Now wasn't the proper time, though…  
He couldn't tell Rin that he may not come home to her…  
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…  
  
--  
Author's note: I'm sorry this is slow, but I've got to set up the next scenes. I was going to join this chapter with the next one, but I wanted to focus on both Rin and Sesshomaru before going into depth on Sesshomaru's journey. 


	13. Part 13

Disclaimer: Sesshomaru, Rin, and Jaken are part of Takahashi-sama's Inuyasha, so they're not mine. Kinnosuke is mine, though. ^_^ Tale of Genji, of course, isn't mind, but Lady Murasaki's.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 13 – the softer side of the moon.  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama," Rin found herself calling out to him.  
  
Sesshomaru stopped walking and turned around. "Yes, Rin?"  
  
"Are you sure there isn't anything you aren't telling me?" she asked with concern as she found herself in worry.  
It wasn't that she didn't trust him, but that certain something was tugging on her heart.  
  
Not being able to lie to her honest eyes, he lifted up his hand for her to come next to him. Looking around, he took her arm cautiously as he led her into the woods to where Jaken was. There he was standing in front of a stump of a cut tree with a human arm on top of it.  
  
Rin calmly took in the scene.  
  
Sesshomaru stood by with his arm on the empty space upon the trunk. Jaken nodded his head in deep concentration. With a large dagger, Jaken cut into Sesshomaru's arm.  
He knew exactly what he was doing because he had to do it for many years.  
  
But not in front of Rin.  
She had never seen this before and Sesshomaru looked away from her. Whether it was out of shame or to mask the pain, she couldn't tell for he always hid his feelings well.  
  
To think that Sesshomaru would show her this side of him…  
Gruesome as it was, she was happy.  
  
"My strange girl," he said in endearment as he looked straight at her with blood dripping from his arm.  
  
Rin reached out to him.  
  
"Do not touch Sesshomaru-sama," Jaken had warned.  
  
But it was of no use.  
Sesshomaru, unwavered by now, reached out for her hand. She held it as Jaken sighed in frustration with his eyes still expressing the whole, "You always let her do as she pleases."  
  
As Jaken placed the new arm into Sesshomaru, the latter slightly winced while a sweatdrop went down his cheek. Even his hand slightly squeezed Rin's.  
  
He had wanted her to see something that showed a direct result of his pridefulness and his weakness. Sesshomaru explained, "Inuyasha had severed my arm, and my pride wouldn't ever forget that. My half-brother had defeated me for the first time, because I had underestimated him."  
He looked deeply at Rin.  
  
Maybe he had underestimated her at one time. Thinking she was foolish, only to find that she would be the one to show him the truth about life.  
  
When the procedure was done, Jaken commented, "It was hard to find that."  
  
Sesshomaru bowed his head. "Ah. As always."  
  
Rin hugged Sesshomaru like when she was little. "Why don't you ever tell me when you're in pain too…?"  
  
It was only then did she really understand him.  
They were the same in this sense.  
  
At this, Sesshomaru finally let go of her as he stood up straight, tall and elegant as he had always been. Only momentarily showing her a side of the moon that all humanity or demons couldn't ever see.   
No one but she and Jaken.  
  
She especially. For she was neither of these beings, and yet she infused both. Their child was the proof of that bond.  
  
At that moment, as they stared at one another, Jaken put his fist towards his mouth and cleared his throat. "Ahem."  
  
Rin laughed as she bowed and kissed Jaken on the forehead. "I'll see you later too?"  
  
He cleared his throat again. "I'll be running back and forth between you two."  
  
"As you had always been doing," Rin answered as she crossed her arms with a sigh and a knowing nod.   
  
"You think he would let you go so easily? Or me?" he smirked as he pointed his staff towards Sesshomaru, who had raised an eyebrow comically.  
  
Sesshomaru then took up Rin's hand and dropped a whistle. Clearing his own throat, he instructed, "If there is any trouble, use the whistle and I will come to you."  
  
Rin blinked as she began to smile. "Always so full of surprises," she said to herself, but enough for Jaken and her beloved to hear her.  
  
Turning around, Sesshomaru set out without another word.  
  
"And I should be used to this, shouldn't I?" commented an exasperated Jaken who waved his staff back and forth shouting, "Hey, wait for me, Sesshomaru-sama! Sesshomaru-sama!"  
At that, Rin went back to the village. As she entered, some looked at her strangely, for she had taken care of the bleeding youkai that had come last night. The one rumored to be the father of her child.  
She did not care about these words. What was important was that things would be as 'normal' as they could possibly be.   
  
Rin walked back to her dwelling and walked over to the opposite side of it to stand in front Kinnosuke's room. She looked at her stomach again and patted it.  
  
It wasn't fair to any of them.  
  
Besides, this was the tip of the iceberg. There would be more discrimination to come.  
Maybe she had been away too long wandering to finally notice it.  
  
That was what Sesshomaru had thought all this time in the back of his mind.  
It made sense to her now.  
  
Knock, knock.  
  
"Kinnosuke?" she called to the door of his room. Her hand was still in mid-air when he opened the door for her.  
  
She knew he'd be there. He was trying to hide the fact that he was fatigued, and she knew more than anyone what that entailed. To her, it was from experience and Sesshomaru's silence combined.  
  
"Hello," he greeted as he politely nodded his head.  
  
Awkwardly, she nodded her head as she walked to his table and sat on the opposite side of him. As he made her tea, she smiled as she bowed towards him. "Thank you for taking care of Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
"So that is him, isn't it?" Kinnosuke said as he smiled with melancholy while trying to avoid her eyes.  
  
She nodded with a shy smile. "Yes."  
  
It was even more awkward to address Sesshomaru this way.  
  
Kinnosuke said nothing else, knowing that his proposal was bound to be rejected. As he reached over to give her cup, Rin reached out to his hand and enveloped it with both of hers. Looking straight into his eyes, she honestly answered, "I wanted to say yes to you, Kinnosuke."  
  
He blinked at her, shocked that she had even considered it at all.  
  
"But it wouldn't be fair to you or myself," she continued while she held his hand firmly. "Sesshomaru is more to me than anyone would ever imagine. Despite his coldness, he was the warmest person to me, though he would never admit to that."  
  
She began to laugh. "He scolded me all the time and I cried thinking I could never get anything right. Then, Jaken said, 'Brat, you have to learn that's just how he shows he cares.' So, from then on, I worried when he didn't say _anything_ to me."  
  
Kinnosuke laughed as well. "My sister was that way too. She'd always yell to do one thing or another. Then, when she died, I realized that she had done the right thing. I realized that it must have been hard being a mother and a sister to me."  
  
Rin finally let go and they spent the morning talking about their memories. Days that had passed so quickly, but could never be forgotten, as if they had just happened a few hours ago.  
"Did you tell Rin everything?" Jaken asked as he looked up to Sesshomaru, who was looking grim, even for him.   
He ended up answering his own question. "Guess not."  
  
"Jaken, we must go towards the rebelling clans, but I must also find where my father died." Sesshomaru felt uneasy as he said this. "And somewhere else as well."  
  
Jaken blinked at him, surprised that he had even shared his thoughts with him. "Well, the rebelling clans are all in one region to the north. But if you go, you may be too far from Rin if they start to attack again."  
  
"I've been strolling back and forth. It takes two days for them to advance and retreat," he pondered aloud. "From every direction. You know this as well."  
  
"That's the general consensus," Jaken agreed. "But that would mean you would still need a few hours if she ever used that whistle."  
  
"Never mind that. Rin isn't to be concerned over." With slits for eyes, he simply said, "Anything that touches her will be shown no mercy."  
  
"And he shows his true youkai side!" Jaken laughed as he walked with Sesshomaru towards the clans.  
  
They were the clans that were on his father because he had gotten married to his mother. So, primarily, they were mostly his mother's clans. And after Sesshomaru broke the engagement to the current heir of the clan, they were stirring.  
After many years, they had finally been able to do something about it. It was about pride, like the Rokujo lady from Genji Monogatari (the Tale of Genji) in which the Rokujo lady was destined to become the empress, but her husband had stepped down of his own accord. Therefore, she had lost her position and had become only of the high class once more.  
  
Her pride, above all things, was hurt badly.  
She would never forget.  
  
Like her, Sesshomaru's former fiancée, was still bitter. What more that she was a vengeful youkai…  
  
And to find that he had given his heart to nothing but a human girl?!   
She wasn't going to sit down and take this lightly.  
Sesshomaru walked toward a land that was in a state of unrest and his presence would add oil to the fire. What would he say this time? What could he say?  
  
He wasn't wandering anymore because of Rin.  
There was somewhere to go to. Someone to go home to.  
As he passed by a rocky surface, he stopped walking. Bowing his head, Sesshomaru said in his head, "Please give me guidance, Father. I never asked you for anything, but I will ask you now to please provide me the course of action I should take.  
"Rin will soon be giving birth and our child will be shunned from the world. The clans will rebel even more because of this. Theirs is just the first of many. I don't want to lose what you worked so hard to gather. "  
  
At that, he looked up to the afternoon blue sky above him. At last, after all these years, he would ask, "Please forgive me for my ignorance about your relationship with Inuyasha's mother."  
  
There was nothing else for him to say except that. Then again, that's how he and his father had always been. They had come to a mutual understanding that was unlike any youkai father and son.  
  
A little part of him had been jealous that his father favored Inuyasha so much, but then he understood why after Rin began to carry his child.  
  
The perfection of realizing their love through this child, and yet the constant worrying over this child not knowing where they would fit in the world because of that love.  
When he began to walk again, Jaken wondered what his master was thinking, but said nothing. Knowing that the journey wouldn't get better from here, he was trying to brace himself for the fall that was soon to come.  
"It doesn't matter where you belong," Sesshomaru thought to himself. "As long as you find where you want to be."  
  
That would be the answer he would give the child. The eventual question that would come out of his or her lips.  
It was the best that he could ever express, having wandered blindly for so long, only masking his strength with an iron face and an cold heart. When in reality, he was trying to find where he was going all these years.  
  
Being mixed up of where he should have gone, where he could have been, and where he was going…  
  
..all because of that girl Rin.  
  
Because she had smiled at him.  
Giving him hope.  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: I'm sorry for the hiatus, but I've been really really busy.  
  
I wanted Rin to see a side of Sesshomaru that he had never wanted to show – the human part. The one that felt pain.  
Ah…we are getting to the end finally, but not without the final conflict! As to how I will do this, I have no idea. I want it realistic, yet political in a way. I'm not very good at that though, so thank you very much for sticking out with me.  
  
You guys have been an awesome group so far. I really do get a kick out of your comments because they're moody like Shuichi and me. Up and down. I'm glad that it's a range of things. I wanted this to be angsty, but warm at the same time. 


	14. Part 14

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Inuyasha. Takahashi-sama does. ^_^ This fanfic is just done in great appreciation of her.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 14 – especially by me.  
That night, Rin stared at the ceiling while putting the covers over herself. As she blinked her eyes, she couldn't help but smile to herself.  
  
"You talk too much," Jaken used to complain to her as she would wander off to look for food or wanted to rest for a bit.  
"If…if…he had just let me go back," she said to herself, "he would have been sad also, wouldn't he?"  
Sesshomaru let her do as she pleased without a second thought. He just stood his ground or went off wandering while Jaken would stay beside her, making sure she didn't get into trouble.  
  
But this realization also made her sad as well. A frown began to encompass her face.  
All this time, she had been his weakness.  
  
The reason why they had attacked her when Naraku was such a threat so many years ago. Kagura had taken her and when Jaken had said that Sesshomaru was mad at Rin being taken away and being pushed around by a lower being such as Naraku, she was happy that Sesshomaru had thought so well of her.  
  
Yet, when Jaken had said the latter reason, years later, she convinced herself that this was the true reason.  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama…" she said while clasping her hands together, "please be well. Don't let your heart be too troubled."  
  
Especially by me.  
She couldn't say it aloud though as she closed her eyes to go to sleep.  
"I shall rest here," Sesshomaru had said as he sat against a tree, but actually there was an ominous feeling all around him as Jaken waved his staff and nodded his head. "I will be back, Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
At that, Jaken looked around while Sesshomaru's lips were sealed tightly with an angry expression on his face.   
This feeling had been with him before.  
  
With that human woman.  
And Naraku.  
  
Suddenly, his thoughts lingered back to the purifying mountain that had become Naraku's discarded flesh of a heart.  
"Don't go, Sesshomaru-sama!" Jaken, who feared his master, shouted in pain from the mountain and seeing his lord go this far.  
  
He didn't say anything, but Jaken saw it in his eyes.  
  
"Rin is there. I must get her," Sesshomaru's eyes said as he stared at the barrier, moving closer without hesitation.  
  
Then, Rin came out and was used as bait for him to fight one of the Shichinin…  
  
"You always leave her behind. She always comes after you," he quietly said to himself. "But someday, that girl's loyalty will be severely repaid with your own life."  
  
"Funny that you should say that, Sesshomaru," someone said into the wind.   
  
Unmoved, Sesshomaru simply sighed at the inane situation around him. "I always expected better of you, but you never rose to my expectations."  
  
He smirked as he got up when a woman came out of the shadows of the forest. She pushed her long, raven hair behind her, revealing a very sensuous, curvy body hidden inside a black kimono with red, shiny thread running through it with no particular pattern.   
"Oh, darling Sesshomaru, no one could _ever_ fulfill your expectations."  
  
"Well, maybe," he answered while looking at her with a deadpan look, "because you came out this time instead of cowering behind the wind or the trees."  
  
She stepped closer as she put her hand on Sesshomaru's throat, rubbing it gently. "I'm disappointed that a HUMAN could accomplish what other youkai women couldn't." Then, she smirked. "Nor men. Then again, you never liked males too much, don't you?"  
  
"Stop playing with me," he said as his eyes became slits. "But I must thank you for making my search easier. What are you planning to do with the tribes up north?"  
  
She took her hand away and put it up to her mouth as she laughed heartily. "All work and no play makes you such a dull boy. Then again, I can't really say if your human whore is pregnant."  
  
This touched a nerve with Sesshomaru. "Mention Rin in the same level as you, and I won't hesitate to kill you."  
  
"Ahaha," she smiled as she crossed her arms. "You really have lost your mind, haven't you? You _do_ know that keeping this up will only lead to more following my lead."  
  
"Idiots always find their own kind." He smiled at her as she sneered at him.  
  
"You should have married me as it was meant to be," she said as she cut his face and licked his face while holding his chin. "Then no one would have been hurt."  
  
He just stood there with no emotions at all.  
"Or no one will be hurt," the woman threatened as she gave Sesshomaru an icy look. "I'll be waiting for you up north then."  
  
As she turned around, Sesshomaru shook his head. "I used to think like you, Merodi."  
  
"Ah, what happened to the Sesshomaru that loved me?" she sadly said as she looked up to the moon.  
  
"I never loved you," he answered plainly.  
  
"Liar." She smiled as she looked back at him. "We were destined to be the best that ever lived."  
  
At that, she was swept away and vanished while Jaken came back into the scene. His eyes became frustrated as he said, "That scent. Again."  
  
"Are you familiar with this scent as well, Jaken?" Sesshomaru asked as he began to walk once more.   
  
"She walked through my village once. Impudent, she was."  
  
"Never changed," he commented as he walked calmly, but Jaken knew better when he found his lord almost running beside himself.  
  
Sesshomaru was usually very attentive on all the details that had come through the clans or of anything he needed to know. How had this slipped through his fingers?  
  
Besides, Merodi was not supposed to leave her village unless it was something very important, or of urgency.  
  
"What did she come for when she passed through your village, Jaken?" he asked.  
  
"She was looking for one called Seth. It was an unusual name for a youkai, if you asked me." Jaken ran next to Sesshomaru as his lord's face became darker and darker.  
  
"Why do you ask this, Sesshomaru-sama?" Jaken asked curiously.  
  
But he didn't answer anything as he seethed in anger and frustration.  
  
He better stop the oncoming squabble about to take place or he would kill everyone in his path…  
…including Rin.  
Tsuzuku…  
--  
Author's note: And we get deeper into Sesshomaru's past, don't we? I'd love to do Rin's but we already know her story and this fanfic deals with her being with Jaken and Sesshomaru for all these years.  
I have finally figured out how to intertwine everything together. I just hope I am able to do it successfully…  
*blink, blink * * Yui's always afraid of failure *  
  
I had watched more Inuyasha and I'm going to kill someone for telling the R+S ep was 98, when it was 96. Kukuku…  
On a serious note, * dreamy sigh * I really do love Inuyasha and Sesshomaru. Rin is my favorite character along with Sesshomaru-sama. He really is awesome.   
I don't know why I love this pairing so much, but then again, my taste in pairings are the 'impossible' love stories. I think it's because I think it's cute if someone waits for you because they knew it was 'you' even though you were how long, so you were really meant to be together. Then again, I can't have a love story without angst. ^^;;; 


	15. Part 15

Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Takahashi-sama! I'm just a Sesshomaru and Rin fangirl that I had to write a story to answer my own questions about their relationship. (Aren't they one of the cutest pairings?!)  
  
Belonging nowhere  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 15 - Secrets that should be kept that way…right?  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama! Sesshomaru-sama!" Jaken shouted with his staff in the air as Sesshomaru ran through the forest quickly with the fallen leaves of the forest flying behind him.  
  
Jaken coughed as he barely trailed behind him. While looking at Sesshomaru's back, he couldn't help but wonder what was happening. What was this ominous feeling surrounding this whole situation? He couldn't really answer that question for he had no idea what the heck was going on.  
  
But he would believe in Sesshomaru-sama as he always had. There was nothing that he had seen to prove that this foreboding could break his trust.  
  
"Seth…Seth…" Jaken thought to himself while huffing and puffing. "I've not thought about that name for such a long time."  
  
A chill ran down his spine as he gulped. Without thinking, his tongue slipped, "Seth was death incarnate."  
  
Sesshomaru's eyes slightly became smaller and his lips twitched a bit as he heard this. "I must stop this before it gets out of hand," he thought to himself with his hands in fists. So much so that they started to bleed once more with droplets left behind in the dirt floor of the forest.  
  
"Simpletons!" he seethed with his lips not moving as he thought with such anger about this turn of events. "I was once in your shoes, but now, I understand what I didn't before."  
  
He would tell Rin…  
  
When this was all over, he would honestly tell her. And then, she would be free to choose to truly stay with him.  
  
Without the guilt, without the anger…  
  
If there was anyone who needed to know the truth about himself, he would pour himself out to her when the time was right. No one else was worthy.  
  
Only his Rin…  
  
…if she chose to hear it. If she wanted to know despite the fact that she might leave him for it…  
  
"Mine…" he whispered to himself.   
  
She chose him, despite everything she had seen…  
  
The ugliness of himself washed with other's blood, but could she still accept him as he had been rejected before, he wondered.  
  
As he came to the northern lands, he stopped out of the main village as the youkai started whispering. Quietly, but as elegant as ever, Sesshomaru walked forward with that mysterious aura that always followed him.  
  
The beauty of his face wasn't unnoticed and some people blushed, both men and women.  
  
The admiration didn't last for long as some began to whisper about him, Rin, and what would happen to their rule.  
  
Jaken just walked with his head up not really paying attention to anyone or anything. He was just sick of the crap that anyone would say about his master.  
  
If it had been Rin…he shuddered.  
  
That one time when she heard one slanderous remark got her so mad she gave such an icy look to the culprit that she was feared by that particular village's inhabitants.  
  
Jaken recalled it well and he sweatdropped even now about it.  
  
When they went to Merodi's main house, she laughed as Sesshomaru stood in front of her without any respect as to bow or any of those formalities, even if he was above her.   
  
"Stop this immediately," he simply told her.  
  
"But why?" She stood up and smiled deviously at him with her fan in her hand ready to hide half of her face.   
  
She then clapped her hands. "Get the map at once."  
  
A map was brought in and she pointed to it with her fan. "You see this? This is what is left to be conquered."  
  
Sesshomaru kept himself silence though his eyebrow rose a bit.  
  
"But you haven't touched the south yet? I am surprised," he commented as Merodi crossed her arms. "Don't get too overconfident. This whole thing is ridiculous."  
  
"You're one to talk, my Sesshomaru."  
  
He spat on the ground. "Don't you ever refer to me that way."  
  
Appalled once more, her blood was boiling as she tore the map with her bare hand. "I will get everything. Everything that was yours was supposed to be mine!"  
  
Sesshomaru then smirked. "I never promised you a rose garden."  
  
At that point, Merodi laughed loudly. "I don't see you doing anything to stop this. You must have known for some time I was planning this. Knowing how you are."  
  
Jaken looked at both of them and gave her the evil eye wanting to kill her for Rin.  
  
"Unlike you, I don't need an army." He then turned around and started to walk out. "Now that I have utterly wasted my time, I shall now leave."  
  
"Seth…" Merodi held out her hand to his shoulder. "I want to see Seth. I missed him loving me."  
  
Sesshomaru turned his face towards her in disgust.  
  
"I wonder how your little girl will react when she finds out." She smiled at him widely as she playfully added, "Ah, no one else will love you so much as I ever will."  
  
Then, she took out her hand. "Don't worry, I will win you fair and square, Sesshomaru."  
  
At that moment, she wrapped her arms around his shoulder while whispering into his ear, "One day you will realize you were wrong because of your stubbornness. Your worst fear will be fulfilled once more. Her love will turn to bitter hate for you."  
  
He violently pushed her arms away as he threatened, "You are now the devil's prey. Wait and your prayer for death will soon be granted."  
  
Nodding with a simple, icy smile, he left with Jaken lifting his chin to say "Hmph. Serves you right."  
  
Merodi stood there looking after them as if she were stunned.  
  
With a smile developing on her face, she licked her lips. "How I love that man!" she shouted inside of her mind.   
  
His hate only enticed her more…  
  
More for the coming of Seth…  
  
"Come back to me, Seth," she said to herself while pulling out from her black kimono a necklace made from the eye of a dragon.  
  
--  
  
Already in the middle of her fifth month, Rin was still as genki as ever helping whenever she needed as if she wasn't pregnant at all.   
  
"My child has Sesshomaru's and my blood," she laughed while smiling widely and proudly at Kinnosuke. "I'm telling you I'm fine, Kinnosuke!"  
  
"You shouldn't move so much, woman," Kinnosuke said as he helped Rin to get to her room after going through security rounds before hitting the sack.  
  
Rin shook her head as she wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. "Please, you don't have to treat me like an old woman," she laughed again.   
  
"I must be as strong as I can until he comes back…" she thought to herself as she found her hand pulling out the whistle from her pocket with Kinnosuke looking at it with an understanding expression.  
  
"All we can do is wait," he told her as she sat down on the floor.  
  
"There is something wrong. It's too quiet right now," she whispered to him as she warmed herself at the fire before them. "That's why I can't be here just waiting."  
  
"Relax for a moment." Kinnosuke sighed. "I understand what you're trying to tell me, but all we can do _is_ wait."  
  
But there was a stirring within her stomach. As she patted it, she began to say, "It's all right. Do not worry."  
  
Except, the baby knew something…  
  
It was telling her something was going to happen soon…  
  
As she went to sleep that night, she prayed to God that her beloved was safe as well as Jaken…  
  
That 'something' did happen.   
  
As Sesshomaru went from place to place trying to suppress the youkai groups that were making trouble at multiple parts of the country, Jaken kept on coming back with news about his master along with 'gifts' to spoil her.  
  
"I told him to get you this because in my village they said that this would be good for the child," he told her as he handed her a strange looking drink, unlike anything he had ever given to her before.   
  
She sipped it with a smile while bowing her head. "Jaken, how long do you think this will last?"  
  
He shook his head. "I do not know. It shouldn't last for too long though."  
  
At that moment, he patted her shoulder as a look of worry came across her face. "Do not worry."  
  
"But he's doing this all by himself…" She shook her head with her eyes closed.   
  
"Because he can," Jaken answered with much assurance. "He will call for backup when it's needed, if the emergency arises."  
  
She then smiled again and joked, "Tell him that the child likes music so he should give me an instrument to learn to play."  
  
Jaken shook his head with his eyes in swirls. "If you give him that idea, you know how he'll take it."  
  
Laughing, she nodded happily thinking about the time that some crow had somehow eaten the little food that Rin had kept hidden in a pouch while she was sleeping. "That crow, remember? The one that ate my food when I was nine?"  
  
"The dead crow," Jaken answered with a deadpan expression.  
  
And that was the end of that conversation.  
  
It never failed to amaze him how Rin's strangeness was her charm. That no matter how off the wall some things were, she would always smile as if it were truly amusing and normal at the same time.  
  
But, it equally amazed him how easily she could smile for both he and Sesshomaru, showing how happy she was just being with them…  
  
Never really asking for anything but that.  
  
As she was about to fall asleep and Jaken about to leave, Jaken patted Rin's head. "Annoying as you are, I can't imagine life without you, brat."  
  
Rin smiled as she patted Jaken's hand. "Same here."  
  
Jaken sat back down as Rin asked, "I thought you were leaving."  
  
He gave her a solemn look while asking bluntly, "Rin, will you be honest with me about the two questions I will ask you?"  
  
"Yes, Jaken?" She blinked at him innocently.   
  
"Have you ever heard about someone called Seth?" His heart pounded remembering Sesshomaru's clear warning never to mention this to Rin.  
  
"It is not the time to ask or tell her," Sesshomaru had said with a slightly soft look as the moon above them shined brightly.  
  
"Why?" he had asked.  
  
"Because hell will break loose…" He then looked at Jaken and answered, "For me, Jaken. From me…"  
  
Jaken didn't ask anything further, but he didn't understand the answer either.  
  
"No. Should I know who this person is?" she asked while looking at him curiously.  
  
He shook his head and deep inside of himself, he was sighing in relief. Why? He had no idea, but he was glad she had heard nothing.  
  
"What's your other question, Jaken?"  
  
"Rin…" he then patted her hand. "…you don't know many things about us and Sesshomaru-sama isn't one to explain things. You know that."  
  
She nodded slowly trying to comprehend what he was trying to say to her.  
  
Mature as she was for her age, she was still protected by Sesshomaru, and ages of experiences away from both of them.  
  
How should he put this?  
  
"There are many things we don't want to share, or that we can't share." He then took his hands away. "Can you live with the way things are? I will be able to tell you about myself someday, but we cannot say for Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
With even more serious eyes, he asked her, "Will you be able to accept this from Sesshomaru-sama? That everything from his past might always be a mystery to you and he might not ever give you these answers?"  
  
Shaking his head, he bowed in apology. "I'm sorry to ask this of you, Rin, but I don't want you to be unhappy nor Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
Rin then smiled at him and was about to answer, but then he shook his head. "Think about it, Rin."   
  
At that, he didn't ask anymore as he left her in the middle of the night. Rin looked at the door long after he had left her.  
  
She had wanted to answer a simple 'yes'. That no matter what, she would accept it.  
  
But something tugged on her heart. Turning over and looking at the ceiling with one arm resting on her forehead, she whispered to herself, "Why did you ask me this question, Jaken?"  
  
Was it his own doubts? Or did he know something particular that he wasn't telling her at all?  
  
She wanted to answer yes and she would accept whatever the consequences, but deep inside, she wanted to know.   
  
"Sesshomaru," she sighed while her eyes blinking. "I want to know…honestly, I want to know so that I know that you truly trust me."  
  
I want to know of your happiness…  
  
I want to know of your sadness…  
  
I want to see the heart you've kept so far away from me.  
  
That was the painful thing she could never tell him.  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Voila! Another chapter. ^_^ Sorry it's been a long time, but I didn't know how to situate everything, but now, it's coming all together. That and the fact that graduation, moving, and AX were/are happening all at the same time! * wimper, wimper *  
  
I've been making one shots and thought that today maybe I should write for one of the 'in progress' multi-chaps (which are now up to 14). Aiya.  
  
For this chapter, I wanted Rin to say 'yes', but also see that deep inside, there was an even longer and harder reply to admit to herself. ^____^ And, we're moving along! 


	16. Part 16

Disclaimer: Inuyasha isn't mine.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 16 – Kaeru. (Return.)  
  
A few days later…  
  
"You aren't a coward, Sesshomaru," his mother had told him when he was a child. "And I will not treat you like a child, as much as the others would love to spoil you. You represent your father and his clan. You also represent me as your mother."  
  
At that moment, she knelt before him as she looked into his eyes while holding his shoulders. "There is nothing that is impossible, just impassible at the moment."  
  
"What do you mean, mother?" he had asked her with his wide eyes blinking at her curiously.   
  
"You will learn with time." She then got up and smiled down at him while patting his back. "Maybe it is wonderful to be a youkai for you can live very, very long."   
  
Then, she laughed as she seriously looked at him while whispering, "That's maybe why some youkai are very egotistical too."  
  
At the moment she was about to leave him to go to bed, she patted his head. "And I warn you not to interact with the humans. You may understand them, but they might not understand you at this time."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you are youkai." Her fingers ran through his hair lovingly. "You will learn…"  
  
And he had.  
  
Years later, when he looked at the child that his father had had with another woman, a human woman to put it bluntly, he hid behind a tree while the child was in his royal (human-side) court.   
  
They wouldn't let him play with them and treated him badly because he was a 'half'.  
  
Sesshomaru just looked on without anything to say or do.  
  
All he could do was stare.  
  
"I wonder why I'm thinking about that _now_," Sesshomaru wondered as he found a place deep in the forest to rest a bit.   
  
As he sat there leaning on the tree, he tried to meditate for a bit.  
  
"Maybe it is because of the dew left by the rain," he told himself.  
  
It was the same kind of weather when his mother had passed away…  
  
At that moment, the wind changed paths and Sesshomaru immediately got up with alarm. As he turned towards the southern direction, there was Jaken running towards him shouting, "Sesshomaru-sama! SESSHOMARU-SAMA!"  
  
"What's happened?" Sesshomaru asked as his forehead became slightly creased with lines as a sweatdrop fell from his tired face.  
  
"They've begun the attack down south one day sooner than we had expected." In a panic, his shaking voice told, "They will be attacking Kinnosuke-san's village within a matter of two hours."  
  
"Shit," he thought to himself as he nodded his head and was running like the wind until he was stopped by some henchmen laughing as they began to surround both Sesshomaru and Jaken.  
  
Sesshomaru looked around as he lifted his chin up. "I was waiting until you would show up."  
  
"Ah," the youkai with blue streaks and a handsome, human looking face answered and laughed. "I couldn't expect less from the one called Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
"Get out of my way and I won't have to hurt you," Sesshomaru threated with his calm demeanor as his eyes stared at the 'general' with a menacing look.  
  
"I'm sorry…" the blue-streaked youkai answered as he threw the covering off his pole and pointed it towards Sesshomaru. "…but we'll have to stop you here."  
  
It was then that they started to fight…  
  
In the meanwhile, Rin's eyes immediately opened as the pain of her baby's kicks were a bit violent. "Wh-What's wrong?"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!" she screamed in pain and Kinnosuke came to her side as she huffed and puffed while pulling on his arms to get up.  
  
She was sweatdropping as she breathlessly told him, "They're coming. They're coming NOW."  
  
"What?!" Kinnosuke shouted as he looked at Rin. "How?"  
  
Rin did nothing but her shake her head as she cringed her hand on her kimono. "The baby's reacting to something…"  
  
At that moment, Rin nodded at Kinnosuke as she squeezed his hand. "Get them ready. We still have a little time."  
  
He nodded as he left to get someone to look after her while he assembled the village to be ready to be attacked as well as getting the others to safety.  
  
Sesshomaru, on the other side of the kingdom, had his lips bleeding as he pushed the pole back with the scabbard of his sword.  
  
Jaken had dealt with some of the youkai, but he couldn't go close enough to Sesshomaru while more came to attack him.  
  
"Merodi-sama shall get what's rightfully hers," the youkai told him as he pushed the pole further in an attempt to choke Sesshomaru.  
  
"You're talking nonsense," Sesshomaru answered while grating his teeth. "What the hell are you here for? You're wasting my time."  
  
"I'm here to pick you up." The handsome youkai shook his head. "But, Sesshomaru-sama, how could you disgrace us youkai by mating with a human?!"  
  
Sesshomaru, who was already tired, tried to keep his cool and strength up. The only thing keeping him going was his bloodline's undying pride and the fact that Rin was waiting for him.  
  
He thought to himself as his veins were pulsating violently under his skin, "Rin is waiting for me…"  
  
"And you will say this to me?!" he shouted as his eyes became quite dark.   
  
He then growled as he began to see nothing but red.  
  
The other henchmen around them were backing away a little as they saw the swirling of dark, dark aura around Sesshomaru.   
  
The blue-streaked youkai still struggled to kill Sesshomaru…  
  
…but it was too late.  
  
It became silent as Jaken looked over to his master…  
  
…was it really him?  
  
At that moment, Sesshomaru growled while the youkai who was going to be in his mercy smiled widely at him as if remembering something.  
  
"ACK!" The pole was dropped and Sesshomaru grabbed the neck of that sorry being that had kept him from getting where he needed to be. While grabbing onto Sesshomaru's arm, it was no use at all because he was choking to death.  
  
He whispered into Sesshomaru's ear and Sesshomaru laughed sinisterly while looking at the lot around him.  
  
The other youkai tried to protect their master, but it was then that Sesshomaru squeezed more on the neck until a loud snap was heard.  
  
"Please don't kill us!" the others begged.  
  
He smiled and licked the blood from lips while shaking his head. "Wrong."  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama?" Jaken whispered in utter fear as he saw Sesshomaru left him with a glance…  
  
…as if he had never seen him before.  
  
As he ran through the forest towards Rin's direction, Sesshomaru's white clothing was soaked with blood.  
  
It dripped and dripped behind him, staining everything it touched…  
  
Over and over, he remembered what his friend had whispered into his ear,   
  
"Welcome back, Seth."  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: An interesting turn of events, ne? I hope it's as exciting for you as it's been for me. ^_^  
  
Kaeru – literally means 'to return (home)' but I'm also using it as a pun to mean 'revert back to' also. 


	17. Part 17

Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Takahashi Rumiko-sama!!! Goddess of manga!  
  
Belonging nowhere  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 17 – Seth no monogatari. (The story of Seth.)  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama…" Jaken said again as his teeth chattered. As he tried to find another path while running to warn Rin about Sesshomaru, he had wondered what was whispered to his master's ear.  
  
"Was that really him?" he had wondered, but he had seen it with his own two eyes how Sesshomaru-sama had transformed into such a vampire in front of him!  
  
Then, it was then that he realized whom he was dealing with. This was what Sesshomaru was trying to hide them from all these years. The 'true' youkai's natural sense:  
  
The one that craved for the taste of human blood.  
  
Silence. The baby stopped kicking and became 'normal' once more. Rin couldn't understand if the baby was telling her that it was over or that something was beginning. Something worse than she could have every possibly imagined.  
  
"Rin-san…" the pretty, young woman with the distinctive mole on her left cheek said as she brought more water for Rin. "…are you all right?"  
  
Rin cautiously took the water.  
  
For some reason, Rin had never liked this girl Nana for she had a strange aura. She could not express this towards Kinnosuke for he trusted this woman very much. There was something though that always bothered her though, but Rin thought maybe it was just more obvious today because she wasn't feeling well.  
  
"Are all the others safe?" Rin asked while looking at her with calm eyes while trying not to convey her uneasiness.  
  
Nana, actually, was very kind, but for the past two months, there was just something about her that had changed and truly rubbed Rin the wrong way. Rin couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she something wasn't quite right. It wasn't as it should have been, as if the puzzle piece had been deceivingly in the place of the proper one  
  
"Yes," she smiled with relief as she wrung the cold cloth on her hands.   
  
"Then, we also must go when Kinnosuke comes," Rin said as she looked towards the doorway.  
  
Quietly, Nana nodded. "Until then, may I tell you a short story?"  
  
"All right…" Rin said while slightly bowing her head confused.  
  
Why did things seem to be slowing down for some odd reason?  
  
"It's too quiet…" she thought to herself as Nana cleared her throat.  
  
"I was passing by yesterday to ask you something when I heard Jaken-san had said something about someone named Seth. I'm sure you've not heard this story yet. Not many people in this generation know it," Nana said with a mysterious tone to her voice. "But _I_ do. Do _you_ want to know the real story of the one called Seth?"  
  
Rin nodded, but her heart was beating loudly within her chest to warn her maybe she had opened Pandora's box instead. She blinked with suspicious eyes while thinking, "She speaks like she's older than I am…"  
  
"There was a young woman who fell in love with a youkai." Nana smiled as she looked at Rin, then she continued, "This woman had watched this youkai since she was a little girl. At the time, the youkai was a little boy. As to how really old he was, she didn't really know.  
  
"She had wanted to play with him, thinking he was human since his face held no marks of him being youkai at all except the fact that his hair was not a normal, young color. But she had thought it was just that different people had different kinds of hair, strange as it should have been to her.  
  
"The youkai paid no attention to her at all until one day, she didn't bug him at all. She wasn't there by the river trying to carry pails of water as she usually did. He watched her whenever she did this for he thought she was very beautiful because she always seemed to smile whenever she touched the water.  
  
"One day, when they were teenagers, she told him how she felt about him, but he had much heartache about loving a human. For how could he love a human if he thought they were below him? That's what he had been taught, but this girl had been kind to him all these years that he couldn't see her in any other way."  
  
Rin looked curiously at Nana while trying to understand what she was trying to say to her. She was touched by the similarities to her own situation.  
  
"But one day, the woman turned on him."  
  
"Why?" Rin asked with a concerned expression.  
  
"He had ended up killing people from her village. She was the village head and so she could never look at him the same way again. She didn't even question him as she looked at him accusingly. In response, he looked at her trying to give her an explanation but he knew anything he would have said was futile by then. So, he left without saying anything at all to her."  
  
"What caused for him to do this?" Rin now was very afraid of the bad feeling she had been developing throughout the whole story as if a bad aftertaste had mutated within her mouth.  
  
It was then that Nana smiled widely in an evil way and said, "It's in his nature."  
  
"Nana-san…" Rin mumbled as Nana said, "Kinnosuke's not here, but whom we are truly waiting for is coming."  
  
"What?!" Rin shouted as her arm was taken by force and burned her skin a little as she sweatdropped and bit her lip in pain, but didn't shout out anything.  
  
"I have missed you, Seth," a tall, young man had said with a sad smile on his face.  
  
He wore a torn kimono showing his legs, but with green, black boots made from a frog's hardened skin. His eyes were almond-shaped like a woman's and he stood in front of Kinnosuke's village with a white ribbon in his hands.  
  
Seth's* smiled widely as the crusty blood was floating like small, red snowflakes to the ground. He dusted off his cloak a bit. "Why are you in my way, Aoki?"  
  
He grinned at him confidently. "I have to make sure that you aren't controlled by that wench."  
  
"Wench?" Seth's eyebrow twitched as he gave a furtive look at his old comrade.  
  
"The human woman," Aoki answered without hesitation. His tone went lower with anger. "She had made you blind."  
  
Seth's anger multiplied by ten-fold.  
  
From Kinnosuke's dwelling, Nana's scalding hand held onto Rin's arm firmly. Rin then was pushed out into the dirt as Seth and Aoki looked at one another.  
  
Rin knew instinctively that with one blow, this fight would be finished…  
  
…but something was blocking her way.  
  
Why was something blocking her sight of Sesshomaru?   
  
What was wrong with this situation? With her Sesshomaru?  
  
…was it really him?  
  
"All that blood!" she thought to her herself, startled.  
  
As the dirt began to settle, Rin gasped as Nana narrated proudly, "Watch carefully, Rin…"  
  
Aoki finally moved. He ran and jumped with his ribbon directly aimed at wrapping around Sesshomaru's neck.   
  
Rin, at that moment, looked away, but Nana grabbed her head of hair and pulled her head to look straight into Sesshomaru's direction. "See the TRUTH!"  
  
At that moment, Sesshomaru's hand went through Aoki's chest in a split second, even faster than a blink of an eye. "Sess!"  
  
"No one could ever shout out his full name when they died." Nana then threw her hand away with disgust and pleasure at the same time as she looked proudly at her blood-thirsty Seth. "They could only say 'Sess' for Sesshomaru."  
  
Rin's eyes began to water with a shocked expression as she saw Sesshomaru in contorted patterns of broken pieces of glass. Sesshomaru gave her a side-glance with his lips closed and his expression totally blank.  
  
With no love.  
  
With no fear of hate.  
  
He wasn't Sesshomaru-sama. No, he couldn't be!  
  
She thought to herself, "This was what you feared, wasn't it? But I could have never imagined…"  
  
At that moment, all she could feel was that he had truly broken her heart as the blood in her body began to feel as if it was stopping its flow for her face was getting paler by the minute.  
  
Nana smiled and laughed. "And what does Sess sound to you, Rin?"  
  
Still in a frightened and a state of disbelief, Rin was beyond disturbed. Not hearing anything around her but piercing silence inside of her head, she barely whispered because half of herself had been killed at that moment, "Seth…"  
  
She continued to stare at Seth not believing anything…  
  
Nothing at all.  
  
Tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Okee, I'm amused by little things, and I figured out a cool way for Sesshomaru to develop the name Seth (a name I've always liked for some reason, and 'City of Angels' the movie helped a LOT for me to like it even more). ^____^ ß-is proud of herself (a rarity in itself).  
  
* smiling from ear to ear * You guys are some of the sweetest readers I've ever had. You've been so supportive and I truly appreciate all the feedback. (Yes, contrary to a lot of people's thoughts, I read ALL REVIEWS submitted!) From corrections to your thoughts, I really do take these into consideration. ^____^ So, here's the last chapter before my temporary hiatus to AX.   
  
*This is Sesshomaru, only in another mode, k? To avoid discreptancies, I will use each 'name' to represent Sesshomaru's 'personality' even though it is _not_ split or anything of the sort. That's why the best way to put it is a 'mode' he's in. 


	18. Part 18

Disclaimer: Takahashi-sama owns Inuyasha.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 18 – tempting fate.  
  
Rin just blinked at Seth, but she also glanced at Nana. Even though they had not talked much except the occasional visits to Kinnosuke, she couldn't believe what was before her.  
  
But nothing could have prepared her for a bloody Sesshomaru.  
  
Someone whose eyes didn't know anything but death.  
  
They were desparate to survive, but in order to do so, she saw his fear even clearer.  
  
Of course, to anyone around them wouldn't understand what she knew. She had looked at those eyes and believed in their gentleness. Now, she saw no trace of the person who had cared for her.  
  
And so, she got up slowly with an annoyed, yet determined face that faced nothing but Seth, someone who looked like Sesshomaru, but wasn't him at all.  
  
"Seth…" they both thought at the same time.  
  
Sesshomaru had not heard that name in so long. It was the name of a distant personality that never wanted to come out again. Or rather, he was suppressed inside. Tied down and locked away when he began to understand human people.  
  
It started with Mari.  
  
But it was wasted on her also.  
  
And with it, he tried so hard to keep it from coming out again...  
  
It was only Rin who could save him now…  
  
When she said his name only a moment ago that seemed like ages, it was just wrong. Rin should have never seen this side of him.  
  
Never…  
  
She should never had a chance or an inkling of an opportunity to say this name.  
  
No, not in this lifetime.  
  
Not now.  
  
Nana then laughed as she lifted up her hand. Tilting her head to one side, she smiled widely. She had shapeshifted to Merodi. "Oh, you couldn't possibly believe that I didn't do my research, could you, Seth?"  
  
Rin watched as Merodi went over to the bloody Seth and touched half of his cheek with her pale, white skinned hands. Instead of being satisfied with the small victory over the first phase of her plan, Merodi turned to Rin and asked, "Can you still love this man?"  
  
Merodi laughed and laughed evilly. It echoed in Rin's ears, but she didn't even twitch.  
  
Rin looked directly at Merodi, and then at Seth. With merciless eyes, she answered, "That's not Sesshomaru-sama. This person is only a look-alike."  
  
Seth just looked at her blankly as Merodi began to kiss Seth on the cheek to spite her. "You don't know Sesshomaru as well as I do, Child."  
  
Ignoring Merodi, she told the one called Seth, "You are not the one I am seeking."  
  
Inside of her head, Rin refused to give up. Sesshomaru and Jaken were the only people she had now and no one was going to take them away.  
  
No one!  
  
"Seth?" Merodi let go of Seth as she faced him while taking out a fan to hide half of her face. "You still care for this girl and it's irritating me."  
  
Seth lifted up his chin.   
  
Yes, deep inside, Rin was winning him and Merodi could see the struggle, slight as his movements were, unseen by Rin herself.  
  
Merodi lifted up her fan while one of her henchmen came with a torch of fire in one hand. "You choose to kill the people in the emergency shed right there or you kill the one named Rin. This is your choice now, Seth."  
  
Seth was sweating as the sun was rising high up in the sky and beating upon the earth with its hot rays. But if Sesshomaru hated being told what to do, Seth abhorred it.  
  
His eyes became smaller with disgust.  
  
She whispered into his ear, "Kill the people. You'll save her and I'll let her live, as much as it will annoy me like hell, but she'll hate you forever."  
  
Touching his chin with her fan, she continued, "Kill her and show loyalty to me. I was the one whom you were supposed to marry, not some human below our class. But you might loathe yourself for all eternity. Again."  
  
Seth's eyes darkened as he thought in a succession of flashes inside of his mind. History was repeating itself all over again.  
  
"Save her or kill the people," the daiyoukai commanded.  
  
Mari had shouted at him, "How could you kill them?!"  
  
Rin started to shake out of frustration, but also out of hurt of seeing Sesshomaru switch between his modes. She shook her head as she watched the shed with the henchmen now all assembled around the shed.  
  
The torches were burning brightly with the smoke making a trail in the sky as she could hear the people holding their breath.  
  
A child began to cry.  
  
A tear was slipping from one of her eyes as she held the child inside of her with a hand over her stomach. Looking at Seth, she shouted, "Don't!"  
  
She couldn't stand the fact that Sesshomaru looked pained.  
  
It was the most emotional he had ever been, in any of the times they had all spent with one another.  
  
Rin looked at Seth with those fearless eyes and pointed at herself while shouting, "Don't think! Kill me! KILL ME, SETH!!!"  
  
Her hand became a fist to the side of her as she thought of the child, but this was the only way…   
  
I still believe you're in there…  
  
Try killing me, Sesshomaru…  
  
Seth was taking out his sword and pointed it towards the direction of Rin.  
  
Merodi's lips finally smiled its true, sinister smile as her eyes looked at Seth next to her.  
  
Rin screamed stubbornly, "KILL _US_, SETH!!"  
  
Tsuzuku….  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Whoa, very emotional. I found myself holding my breath back as I did this chapter. I know it sounds like Relena shouting for Heero Yuy, but dammit, I hated that part in Gundam Wing because it didn't look sincere to me.  
  
Okay, I've got an ending and I've got to get there. It's all been set in my head, but it's been hard to execute it. I truly fear if the build up for this fic was too much and then I crash and burn while ending it. ;_;  
  
I guess that is a common fear of authors. There are some who just don't give a damn, but I'm not one of those people. I may make lots of mistakes, but I refuse to give something that doesn't say I love this anime.   
  
So again, thanks for being patient with me while I have a bad writer's block.  
  
And, if I thought Rin was already cool before. Then damn, I love her even more because of this! 


	19. Part 19

Disclaimer: Takahashi Rumiko-sama is the brilliant mind who has brought you Inuyasha. I'm just an aspiring fanfic writer who wants to capture what she loves with her own words.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 19 – Against all odds.  
  
"KILL _US_ SETH!" the girl Rin arrogantly shouted at him. Seth looked at the girl that was as familiar to him as the intoxicating scent that blood gave to all youkai.   
  
"Us…" he had thought.  
  
Doki doki…  
  
His heart was feeling unusually soft and nervous…  
  
Why was he doubting his own instincts when she said 'us'? Completely losing his control of self by the minute, the psyche of Seth was taking over with the sword in his hand twitching to shut her up.  
  
"I hate humans," he mumbled to himself and tilted his head at Rin to smirk.   
  
"You can never hate me," she replied back to him.  
  
It was then that Seth truly looked at Rin thinking she had completely gone mad in action. But he could see her clearly, through all the red in his eyes to kill her.  
  
She still believed.  
  
It was in her eyes.  
  
For a moment, Seth blinked his own eyes.  
  
I…  
  
I've always hated that look of hers…  
  
His eyes glanced at the emergency shack and he was turning around to face the multitude of people instead. Merodi slightly twitched.  
  
"Even now, he would keep her alive and hate him?" she thought as she lifted the fan closer to her with her eyes darting towards Seth. "Why?"  
  
Rin didn't lose her nerve. Taking one step forward, she took out something from her pocket. The fang whistle that Sesshomaru's mother had given him was her only weapon.  
  
She began to blow it.  
  
"I don't like being told what to do…" Seth lowered his head as he faced Rin again.  
  
His eyes were wavering a bit from the sound that only he could hear…  
  
He took the first step towards her and the henchman at the shed put their torches down a bit.  
  
You stubborn woman…  
  
Why do you believe?! This was who I was many, many years ago!! Why don't you fear me?!  
  
Tap.  
  
A cloud of dust rose and fell under his step as another sweatdrop fell from his face.  
  
Even now, she doesn't fear me when she should…  
  
After I have showed her the worst side of myself…  
  
Tap.  
  
"Kill her." His mind shouted and tortured him as he remembered Mari over and over. "Save the people!"  
  
Tap.  
  
Save Rin.  
  
A smiling Rin came to mind with her saying, "Sesshomaru-sama!" She didn't know that whenever she shouted his name, he felt like he had finally understood the word 'home'.  
  
Tap.  
  
Kill Rin.  
  
"You're not the one I am waiting for," he imagined her saying to him with vicious eyes.  
  
Tap…  
  
Sesshomaru shouted inside of his mind, "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Bowing his head, sweatdrops fell to the ground and were absorbed the dirt. His face slightly grimaced.  
  
He was holding his sword out to Rin as she saw his face darken with pain. Seth swung his sword back about to kill to her. He glanced at the glint of the sword and then smirked while looking into Rin's face.  
  
Unchanging.  
  
Courageous even until now…  
  
Accepting death so willingly…  
  
At that split second, he turned his elbow over and swung!  
  
And he caught Rin's waist?!  
  
Her eyes opened widely at him as she looked into his face and at the two swords grinding one another. With one leg up and leaning forward, Merodi's eyes became exceptionally small and dark as he scathingly looked at Seth.   
  
He wasn't Seth anymore, though.  
  
The determined and sharp eyes of Sesshomaru had returned.  
  
"YOU!" Merodi shouted while taking out her own sword from her scabbard while holding her fan behind her.  
  
"I made a mistake the first time because of the stupidity of youth," Sesshomaru said with a slight smile. "And I don't like doing things twice."  
  
Rin just blinked at him in surprise as she held onto his arm. "Sesshomaru-sama?"  
  
"BURN THE SHED!" Merodi shouted angrily to her henchmen.  
  
Sesshomaru nodded at Rin and gave her a sincere smile while letting her go off to one side. "I'll only be a few minutes."  
  
Rin, at seeing this, even at such a dreadful scene, giggled while trying to find a way to save the people, but without using too much of her energy.  
  
As Rin was looking around her to run towards Kinnosuke's dwelling, a row of arrows came raining on the youkai in her way. When she turned around, Jaken was lifting his chin while sighing as he went to the henchmen. Rin went into the dwelling as Jaken said, "Wasting energy for bugs? Aww…"  
  
The henchmen tried to attack Jaken, but he yawned as he said, "Well, I need the exercise."  
  
Instead of using the staff to burn their heads off, he attacked all of them at once while spinning the staff. Sighing, he complimented himself while cracking his neck, "Work well done."  
  
Sesshomaru was pushing his sword towards Merodi as she pushed her own sword towards him. The tips looked like a pair of scissors stained with a red substance. "Thought you could make me go crazy and just stay as Seth, didn't you?"  
  
Merodi smiled. "After all, he's the one I want."  
  
Kling! Klang!  
  
They both jumped back a few paces from one another.  
  
As Merodi looked around, all her men were down and Jaken was waving to spite her. The men Jaken had called to defeat the army on the way to the village had already left.  
  
He was just waiting for Rin to come back out to get her back to safety along with the other humans.  
  
Rin then came out of the shed. Even though she wanted to have a spar with Merodi, she winked at Sesshomaru. "Use this!"  
  
She threw her sword to Sesshomaru. "Douzo."  
  
That's my girl.  
  
Sesshomaru smirked as he held both Rin's sword and Toukijin out towards Merodi.   
  
"I never knew you could wield two swords," Merodi commented while smirking at the difficult time she was giving him.  
  
Sarcastically, Sesshomaru remarked, "I never had a chance to."  
  
As Rin was walking towards Jaken, Sesshomaru and Merodi continued to fight.  
  
"I can't believe you're a fool, Sesshomaru!" Merodi laughed as she swung at him. "You would pick that _girl_ over ruling this world!"  
  
He swung back and answered proudly and with his cool demeanor, "Who says I can't rule the fucking world?"  
  
Merodi eyes blazed as she was about to jump and swing at Sesshomaru from above, she ran quickly to catch Rin in her arms. Pinning her to the ground, she shouted in desparation, "If it weren't for YOU!"  
  
About to slice away the baby, Sesshomaru threw his swords to each side, and ran.  
  
"Don't come any closer, Sesshomaru!" Merodi shouted while still holding onto Rin's wrists. "If I can't have you, I'll at least absorb the power within your unborn child!"  
  
Rin's eyes became flustered as she struggled below Merodi.  
  
In a blink of an eye, with his claw, he sliced through Merodi while shouting loudly, "I told you before, if you touched her, I'D KILL YOU!"  
  
Rin and Jaken were taken slightly aback because they had never, ever heard Sesshomaru shout before. And that seemed much worse than a Seth running around…  
  
Pushing Merodi out of the way, Sesshomaru hugged Rin, who was still on the ground. With blood splattering, Sesshomaru closed his eyes as he held her closer but blocked the blood of Merodi that was supposed to touch her. He didn't want anything disgusting tainting his treasure.  
  
Jaken was watching avidly, making sure Merodi stayed in her place, or he would 'help' Sesshomaru-sama. But Merodi laid on the ground and turned her head towards Sesshomaru. While gasping, she asked, "Why?! Why do you love her so much, Sesshomaru? Why are you risking everything for a this _human_?!"  
  
Sesshomaru turned his eyes towards Merodi, but was still holding onto Rin.   
  
Rin looked at directly into Sesshomaru's profile, wanting to reach out him. She wanted to know if now, he would answer.  
  
Then, Sesshomaru answered, "Humans want to survive."  
  
Merodi just blinked at him not comprehending anything that he was saying, thinking he had truly gone insane because of the human he had fallen for. Her vision was failing, but she still couldn't accept the defeat.  
  
For the first time, Merodi saw Sesshomaru's eyes soften.  
  
Then, as her life extinguished, he finished,  
  
"Rin understands my sorrow."   
  
tsuzuku…  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Well, here's the latest chapter. I finally got back on my feet and my confidence level has gone up a few points. I know I was dragging this scene out, but I didn't want it anti-climatic. This is one of the most important scenes in the whole story, but I had to take extra care of this part even though I already had a draft at the time I wrote the last part 18. I'm sorry I'm sucky with fighting scenes though. Ahahaha.  
  
As for this chapter, my only concern was that if this fic didn't fall into the Inuyasha facts such as if Sesshomaru loses Toukijin by the end of the series and such, but, oh well, thanks for reading! ^___^  
  
And so…next chapter is it. ^_^ I'm very sad to see it end, but I'm happy it'll be done. Gotta get through the other multi-chapter fics. 


	20. Part 20

Disclaimer: Inuyasha isn't mine. Takayama Miyuki-san is the one who owns the translation for Fukai Mori. And Fukai Mori belongs to Do As Infinity.  
  
Belonging nowhere  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Part 20 – yuuki. (courage.)  
  
After all the commotion was down, Kinnosuke and Rin had comforted the people while they tried their hardest to recover from being so shaken up. Jaken had left to survey the lands and make sure there was no more battling while Sesshomaru stood outside of the village, watching Rin so closely as she glanced at him with a bow of her head and a smile for him to cheer up.  
  
Of course, he couldn't possibly be cheered up.  
  
He wanted to keep his distance from the village.  
  
From all people.  
  
Especially from Rin.  
  
But he knew that if he did, he would come back. He would always find some way back for her to look at him. For her to feel him.  
  
For the warmness that dampened his iciness.   
  
It had taken a while, but it was approaching early evening when Rin walked over to Sesshomaru, who had politely waited for her all that time. Of course, having lived so many years, it was only a few minutes, even seconds. For her, it was torture.  
  
She couldn't take her hands off the dried blood.  
  
And here he was standing in front of him all covered with flakes of red that tore and cracked when the wind softly molested him as if he didn't want anything touching him. Sesshomaru looked at Rin and sighed as she held a bag in her hands.  
  
She held it out to him. "Give me your clothes so I can wash them."  
  
It was even painful to say that.  
  
Seth…  
  
"Rin understands my sorrow…" whispered within her ears and into her thoughts as she looked at him not knowing what else to say. Not wanting to push or pull, but couldn't stand doing nothing either.  
  
Sesshomaru shook his head. "No, you must come with me."  
  
Rin nodded her head without questioning as he took her wrist carefully and tenderly while leading her deep into the forest. They had walked for about fifteen to twenty minutes in silence while Sesshomaru tried to gather his thoughts.  
  
Rin opened her eyes as she blinked at the scene before her. A waterfall that led to this small lake, with the moon lit above reflecting on its surface. "It's so pretty…" she commented before she realized that she had said anything.  
  
At that moment, when Sesshomaru began to disrobe, this time, Rin didn't look away. She was picking up his clothes as he shook his head. "No, just leave them there, Rin. Please just come here to me."  
  
He went into the cold water as Rin knelt before him. "Yes?"  
  
Sesshomaru turned around to her as he pulled her legs to sit on the shallow ledge with her kimono dipping itself into the water. Her feet dangled in the water and he pressed his back on the stone ledge while he pulled Rin's arms. Rin smiled softly as she embraced him from behind. "I want you to wash me, Rin."  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama…" she said with a troubled sigh.  
  
He was still so confused and she herself didn't know what to do, but hold him as warmly as she could. Trying to keep him from falling apart.  
  
For him to believe that what she saw today was something she wanted. To know a truth that only she could heal and touch.   
  
Rin began to wash his arms and back, but Sesshomaru was silent. He couldn't tell her that only she could do this because Rin was like his fairy in her favorite story. The one that saved the distressed human from death and his own life.  
  
With a heart so pure could she clean him with her hands. Someone who wasn't worthy after staining himself with so much blood.  
  
Rin kissed the back of his head with her eyes closed. Sesshomaru's glanced to one side in confusion, but as long as it was Rin, he shouldn't question it. After all, she was his "strange girl". Someone whose beauty was more than in her face and skin, but at her openness.   
  
People loved to hide themselves and thought it was strange when people were so honest. Only, they found out that honesty and sincerity were what saved humanity and made others see the world as beautiful in the first place.  
  
Her fingers ran through his hair. Moistening it and taking out the blood and dirt away. Rubbing it gently away while Sesshomaru closed his eyes at this unusual feeling.  
  
This peace that had never existed before.  
  
The stirring within him all these years was subsiding.  
  
He was finding the place of his journey. The unknown labyrinth's end point.  
  
When he stood up from the bath, he was dripping on the stone floor while Rin wiped him with a large cloth. Then, she pushed his hair away as she put a yukata on him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sesshomaru-sama, but this was all I could give you."  
  
He looked at her thoughtfully as she found herself blushing from his outward gentleness. If you had done this years ago, he would have slapped that person across the face at such an insult.  
  
But there he stood before her in a human's clothes. As if they had always been together this way…  
  
She reached out to him and touched his chest, making sure what she was seeing was real. Rin began to smile as she pulled her hand back. He sat in his place while Rin took his clothes to the edge of the lake.  
  
But she didn't just do that, she took off her kimono and went into the water. Holding onto Sesshomaru's clothes in her arms, she began to cry. She looked at him as the water was becoming a river of red dye streaming away from her.  
  
Laying it to one side, she began to wash her hair and Sesshomaru watched her, thinking why was there such a distance between them. And he wondered when else had he ever appreciated such exquisiteness before.  
  
"Why do you look at me like you're going to leave me all over again?" she finally said as she continued to look at him. His eyes looked at the ground as he sighed to answer, "This time, Rin, you will decide that."  
  
Something within her struck a cord and she didn't know if it was auspicious or ominous.  
  
She began to wash herself, but with his clothing. Then, she pulled the same towel she used for Sesshomaru to wrap around herself. She laid out his clothing as she dipped hers into the lake also. When she was going to change, Sesshomaru took her other kimono from the bag and began to pull it over her.  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama…you don't have to…" she protested, but he put a deaf ear against all this as he dressed her. Pulling her hair into a ponytail and wrapping it with twine, they walked into the forest while Rin made a fire.  
  
It was then that Sesshomaru said, "This time I will tell you a story in which you will have to tell me what the ending is."  
  
Rin nodded her head silently as she crawled over to him. At that moment, Sesshomaru just pulled her into his lap like when she was little whenever he tried to tell her a story or read a book to her. It was the only way she'd pay attention. And even when Jaken was appalled by this, Sesshomaru couldn't tell him how much he enjoyed holding Rin with all her youthfulness and innocence.  
  
As the fire crackled, he held her while saying,  
  
"More than a hundred years ago, there was a baby boy born to a dog clan of a great youkai. He lived in his royal palace that was hidden somewhere even the humans couldn't ever find, no matter how much they tried. It was very big, to say the least. It had to fit the ruler after all, and his fangs were even taller than I am now.  
  
"His mother would always take care of him, but he hardly saw his father. His father was always attending business elsewhere. Waiting and waiting until there came a time that he didn't want to wait anymore. His mother got worried about him, but she wasn't the kind of mother that would baby her child. No, she was so hard with her cruelty and kindness. She would verbally challenge him so that he would grow to have opinions of his own and become quite intelligent. 'Plan and strategize,' were his mother's very words when she died fighting a rival clan.  
  
"Soon, the prince was surrounded by attendants and the like. He hated being waited upon and found that there was no point in staying in a palace like a doll. So, he walked among the humans, trying to find out what was so amusing about their blood and such, since he had much to learn about being a youkai leader.  
  
"When he had gone down, he met an impetuous girl who did nothing but pester him to play with her. He couldn't understand what was so fun about 'playing' when he'd rather just roam around the land and become a strong warrior since he was the heir to his father's throne.  
  
"The girl wasn't scared of him and he found this quite funny. Weird and interested to the point that he began to watch that girl for days. This turned to weeks and months and then into years. He was training as heir while she was becoming the head of her village.  
  
"This was the time that the girl said she was getting on in years and needed to get married. She wanted to be with him, no matter how much protest would arise. He was about to consent to it when his elder said that his coming of age ceremony depended on a single test. It was, cruelly, to kill the girl or some of her village. And disobeying would mean disgrace, dishonor, and being shunned forever.  
  
"Painful as it was, he killed the villagers with a straight face with only a single tear mingling with the blood splattered on his face. When he saw his elder, the elder smiled and disappeared. When he turned to the girl named Mari, she shouted that she hated him and wondered why did she ever believe such a liar. All youkai were the same. They only preyed on humans for their blood to live. The prince left without a word. Not saying that he'd rather see her alive than dead before him, even if this was much more painful.  
  
"That's why he said he would never trust another human again. His elders were right. There should be no mercy to the lower species. And so, he got stronger and stronger, fighting with his pain and anger at the world. His thoughts and the world clashed, and yet he continued to wander until he didn't know the difference anymore. Killing humans and killing youkai were the same as long as it ended in 'victory'. That's when he learned to love blood and drenched himself in it, giving him the nickname of Seth.  
  
"A woman from another youkai tribe was given to him as a bride, and he accepted it. She was hauntingly beautiful and had a thirst for blood as he did. She was…just perfect for him. It was all a game after all, and she was willing to be his partner in it.  
  
"But then, his father had gotten involved with a human. A maiden of high rank within the human realm. He was so ashamed about this that he wanted to speak with his father. And so, protested he did, but his father said he would understand someday. He said he wouldn't talk to his father anymore and only call him if he needed him in an emergency. Then, he left wandering to become stronger and stronger. To be the best of the land, and within both realms.  
  
"The woman youkai waited for him as Seth wandered around the land. He found himself in front of Mari's village once more. There were youkai attacking it and he couldn't believe the foolish humans were trying their best to survive. Mari came out to protect her village, and as he was about to rescue her, she killed it, along with getting injured very badly. That's when he began to understand a little bit about human lives. About real protection and strength of true character.  
  
"The one she had hated ran to catch her as she was falling to the ground. She smiled as she looked up to find who was trying to save her. She shook her head as she tried to tell him there was no hope. Mari just reached out to his cheek and said, 'I know the truth…Please don't ever become that way again…'  
  
"When she died, he took her dead body and buried it himself. He had been told by the villagers that Mari had gone crazy for a while trying to find out what had happened. And when she did, she waited for the day to ask for his forgiveness, having heard that he had buried those people he killed. And with that, he never returned to his fiancée. He never wanted to become Seth ever again…but nor could he ever come back there…  
  
"His father had another child. A child that he would watch with slight envy at how much time he spent with this son rather than himself. But he couldn't do anything about it, and he wasn't a child anymore, so why should he feel this way?   
  
"Years passed and a green imp became his companion. A persistent little idiot that kept on taking his master's abuse. He couldn't understand what this imp could see in him. Was it because of his lineage or the way he conducted himself? Why wouldn't he go away?"  
  
Rin, who had been silent, began to giggle. "Jaken…"  
  
Sesshomaru continued while holding her tightly, "A war came and his brother was falling for a Miko protecting the Jewel of Four Souls. He was enchanted and he felt bitter towards his brother that he had left him to fend off the other youkai. His own father had asked him to help and so how could he say no? And yet, they couldn't call the younger son because he had fallen into his own demise. With a human no less.  
  
"Years and years passed until he found that maybe becoming the strongest was pointless. There were no true challenges anymore, but how can one give up the only thing they've known all their life? And so, when his father died, he just wandered with a strange dream that haunted him and with a sweet voice.  
  
"Then, when another ruckus was happening, the Jewel of Four Souls was brought into the world again. In order to become the greatest youkai, one had to possess that damn jewel. Of course, he was going to take the challenge.  
  
"Except, he lost one of his father's fangs to his half-brother, who had woken up from his sleep. Even had his arm cut. In shame, he was going for the jewel and trying to find a new arm at any opportune time.  
  
"Then, after another fight, he found himself disoriented with a little girl looking at him. She smiled at him and he couldn't understand if she were an idiot for not running away from him. The girl gave him food even though he didn't need to eat, and left."  
  
He sighed while not looking at her.  
  
"He wondered if it was going to happen all over again. That small inkling of hope would kill him this time if he turned around to understand this little girl. But he didn't. Later, he regretted it." He had Rin face him as he ran his fingers through her bangs. While looking into her eyes, he seriously said, "I've lied to you about this Rin. You died that day when the wolves bit you to death. But I brought you back to life. To Jaken, it was because I was testing out the sword, but it was actually my own selfishness. I wanted to see if a youkai could raise a child not to hate his kind, and if he could learn from her also. Until…until I couldn't let go of you."  
  
Rin looked into Sesshomaru's eyes, even more pained than when he was trying to kill her as Seth.  
  
"Can you forgive me, Rin?" Sesshomaru asked as he watched her seriously.  
  
Taking her shoulders into his hands, he asked, "Do you understand how much I told myself I shouldn't do this to this child and that I shouldn't hope? Do you know how many times I've tried to reason to myself about this absurdness?  
  
"Do you know how many times I wanted to leave you behind so that you'd find a better life elsewhere? But you didn't want to go. And each time you didn't go, I wanted to keep you even though I didn't show it.  
  
"I wanted you to hate me so much by cheating on you. By staying away from you. Make you leave me because I couldn't provide the happiness you were seeking through me."  
  
Rin was speechless as she stared at him. This white-haired man. This great youkai who became the very thing he didn't want to be…  
  
Human.  
  
"And yet, you stayed with me." Sesshomaru's eyes looked down to the ground. "I knew there was a time you would leave me and I was waiting. That's how it had always been, Rin.  
  
"I thought you would someday leave me if you ever found about Seth, the very thing I used to be. The very person you despised and felt disgusted with."  
  
"I wanted to protect you from myself." With a cracked voice, he said, "And yet, you still believed in me. A youkai who sought after strength only to be so weak and broken deep within."  
  
At that moment, he looked up and put his hands on her face. A tear slipped from his eye as he said, "Rin, can you forgive me for all the lives I've killed? Even your own? How can you ever trust me?"  
  
Rin began to cry as she felt so many emotions at the same time. Anger at him for keeping all this. Frustration that he loathed himself so much. Sadness at him being so quietly lonely all these years. And yet through it all, a burden within her had been lifted.  
  
She knelt before him as she hugged him tightly. Nodding, her tears fell onto his clothing. "You've always respected me, Sesshomaru."  
  
Kissing his eye, she whispered, "At your worst or at your best, I will always believe because Sesshomaru has never let me down. Even after you've told me all this. Even now."  
  
--  
  
From that time on, Rin sewed a kimono for Sesshomaru that looked similar to his the clothes he had always worn, but also with her own touches on it. She wouldn't have him wearing his old clothes because she wanted to be rid of these things that made him so troubled...  
  
Months later, a baby girl was born to Rin and Sesshomaru. A quiet baby with little dog ears, strands of white hair, and beautiful, large brown eyes.  
  
After their child was born, all of them said their thanks to Kinnosuke and left. Sesshomaru couldn't go back 'home', to the place of his birth, until he had fulfilled some promises. Jaken, who had always been so loyal and understanding all these years, only visited them at night now to report what was happening around them, but he went around the land to find himself also a mate.  
  
Rin carried the baby while Sesshomaru walked on through his father's grave to say to his father to give his blessing to their heir. Bowing their heads, they departed and found themselves in front of his mother's grave too. Sesshomaru presented his wife to his mother, praying that she protect him as she always had, also saying to her that he now understood all the things she had tried to tell him when he was little.   
  
"Strength is only a mentality, my child," she told him.  
  
Days later, the last grave they came to was Inuyasha's mother.   
  
Sesshomaru stood before it with the flowers that Rin said would be suitable to put on it: scattered, dried sakura petals. While Rin prayed with her husband. Sesshomaru knelt before the grave and prayed, "I came here to ask for your forgiveness for my ignorance all these years. That is all. Thank you."  
  
He got up and they began to walk again as the wind lightly blew around them.  
  
Rin then requested, "Can we go to my village before we go home?"  
  
He nodded and when they got there, she entered while people talked. Sesshomaru stood at the front, but she shook her head. She pulled his sleeve as they went to the graves to pay to her family.  
  
"This is our baby, Momiji." Tears came to her eyes as Sesshomaru stood beside her. "After everything we've gone through…we didn't die."  
  
She smiled at Sesshomaru with tears in her eyes.   
  
I will be able to still pass on our blood…  
  
--  
  
Two years later…  
  
"WAH~!" the little girl screamed as she hid behind her mother. Her mother only patted her head.  
  
She pulled on her mother's kimono and her mother leaned to one side. "Yes, baby?"  
  
"Do you think Daddy loves me?"  
  
"Of course, he does." Rin lifted up one hand as she laughed. The question she had once asked herself about Sesshomaru…  
  
Sesshomaru, even at hearing this, kept on walking. Then, he stopped and squatted down.  
  
With his hand, he gestured for the little girl to come to him.  
  
He showed her his fangs. "Growl."  
  
"AH!" The little girl ran and laughed behind her mother again.  
  
"Ah…" Rin had thought to herself. That's when he started…  
  
The little girl ran up to him again and he bared his fangs. Then, he grabbed his little girl and hugged her. "Never question your father's affection."  
  
She shook her head while giggling.  
  
At that, they started walking with Sesshomaru holding onto his child's hand as Rin walked beside him contentedly.  
  
Momiji pulled on her kimono to carry her. Rin did so as she sang her child's favorite song,  
  
"I'm sure that the heart I left behind  
  
still lies hidden in the heart of the deep, deep forest.  
  
Exhausted, without the strength to search  
  
people vanish into the infinite darkness.  
  
If it's so small, I wonder if I can see it even now?  
  
As we live on,  
  
we lose a little bit more.  
  
Shrouded in falsehoods and lies,  
  
we stand frozen to the spot, unable to cry out  
  
The days pass by and change,  
  
without us even realizing how blue the sky really is.  
  
Overcoming that made-up scheme, we live the present,  
  
and our rusted hearts begin to beat again!  
  
If we can find the rhythm of time, we can fly once again  
  
We live our lives  
  
wandering to the ends of the earth.  
  
Believing, now I begin my journey with you,  
  
in search of the light.  
  
As we live on,  
  
we lose a little bit more.  
  
Shrouded in falsehoods and lies,  
  
we stand frozen to the spot, unable to cry out  
  
We live our lives  
  
wandering to the ends of the earth.  
  
Closing off  
  
the way back,  
  
we walk on for eternity.  
  
We live our lives standing frozen to the spot,  
  
unable to cry out, for eternity..."  
  
They were standing in front of her former village once more when Momiji had fallen asleep. Sesshomaru held out his arms to carry Momiji as Rin went into the village. While she was buying some food, they said to her again, "You shouldn't be wandering alone. Do you have a place to stay?"  
  
She shook her head and politely answered while purchasing her food. "Thank you very much, but my husband is waiting for me."  
  
Smiling, she left to go back to Sesshomaru.  
  
They stood there for a moment looking at the village with all its bustling, each thinking of memories long past.  
  
Sesshomaru, who had once despised Inuyasha for being a half-breed, finally understood what his father looked into the eyes of his own mate, while holding onto his own child and her cute ears. He finally said, "You're quite wrong, Rin."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"About that look you just gave right now. Before Momiji fell asleep."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"I loved you ever since you smiled at me when I carried you on my back."  
  
"When was that?"  
  
"You were sick and delirious. I was dying with worry, but I couldn't really let Jaken know. Then, you were having a bad dream. You were trying to reach out for something or someone."  
  
"I did? I don't remember this…"  
  
Sesshomaru nodded. "You whispered weakly into my ear, 'Can I stay with you forever, Sesshomaru-sama?'"  
  
Rin saw the soft expression within his eyes as he recalled this. "And what did you say?"  
  
"'As you wish.' But in my heart, I was thinking that forever wasn't enough for me."  
  
Rin smiled thoughtfully and began to happily sing a song that she had made for Sesshomaru,  
  
"We live our lives trying for eternity…  
  
Aimlessly, aimlessly,   
  
There is nowhere to run  
  
There is nowhere to go back to."  
  
Quietly, Sesshomaru thought to himself,   
  
"You belong nowhere, Rin, because I never really wanted you to leave me. And when I realized that, I was quite wrong thinking my place was set in the world. You taught me that I belonged nowhere else except next to you."  
  
He looked at the entrance of her village for a moment longer and thought of the time when he was lying to himself by telling Rin that she didn't belong to him. She did. Painfully, he knew she did.  
  
Just then, the same hand that pulled on his sleeve years ago would be the same one he would take gently into his own. Rin's eyes opened a bit in surprise at the outward display of affection. She bowed her head at him with a smile and patted her stomach happily.   
  
Her hand firmly held onto his as they began to walk together.   
  
The hand she had always wanted to hold this way.   
  
Not just some sleeve between her fingers wishing he had cared for her.  
  
And him thinking, in his silence in all these years, the same thing,  
  
Hoping her unconditional love and care wouldn't ever end.  
  
Through all the silence, through all the darkness…  
  
They finally found what they were looking for.   
  
Realizing, courage wasn't sought out; it was from within.  
  
It was an acceptance that one must go beyond the limit of their mind.  
  
It was about fighting to keep the happiness you've found.  
  
Owari.  
  
--  
  
Author's notes: Since I started this story, I had thought that I wanted a happy ending. However, getting there was such a hard task. For this ending alone, many, many scenarios went through my mind. How would this end? With killing me Merodi? Sesshomaru remembering something from long ago? Where would this end? Sesshomaru's birthplace, Rin's or somewhere totally different. Why would it end in that place? I want it to represent Sesshomaru's and Rin's union in a quiet way.  
  
But how the hell do you make Sesshomaru fall in love with Rin without getting all mushy and out of character? I hate it when main characters 'change' from badass to this love-sick fool. * shudder * Most of all, how does Rin tell him? And how do you even make great, awesome Sesshomaru-sama feel guilt???  
  
Answers to these questions only came to me two days ago. I am sorry that this took very long to finish or to publish, but this fic was so hard to write. Finding the tone, being in character, and making everything come together without making it too predictable. Well, it's done and I tried my best. Took me four hours to write it, but it's done now.  
  
There were many things that went through my head while making this fic, but to tell you the truth, the only thing I wanted to do was make a sweet Rin and Sesshomaru fic. I just wanted to say I love this couple and that this is a fic dedicated to them.  
  
I wanted these characters to grow and figure each other out, but also about themselves. Rin is my favorite character in Inuyasha because she is neither youkai or human and she works out of these boundaries. The boundaries she does put around herself are the issues in which she's dealt with in relation to Sesshomaru and Jaken. I wanted her to push herself as an equal, but she didn't quite see herself like that until the end. I wanted Rin to grow to be Sesshomaru's equal.  
  
Just as much, I wanted Sesshomaru to show that his problem wasn't because he didn't think of Rin as his equal (for he had already pushed that the day he 'adopted' her), but that he felt that he wasn't _her_ equal. A girl who may have been a thief to survive and such, but her heart was always pure and whole towards him. He was scared he'd break her with his own hands, through Seth.  
  
Yes, I think too much about things, but thank you to those who have read this fic. I also thank those who will read this fic.  
  
I just wanted to convey through this fic that sometimes the enemy that keeps you away from others isn't action, it's what you think about yourself. Silence is a source of strength, but it also like a deadly weapon.  
  
Again, thank you for reading, and especially to Miyuki-san for letting me use her translations!  
  
8/03 


End file.
